#I don't mind the idea of a walking challenge but this idea that everybody needs to lose weight constantly is so dangerously pervasive

[alfhildr-the-word-weaver]

Today on "tumblr ads that I wish were rebloggable":

I'm not wildly fond of tumblr ads promoting weight loss all willy-nilly, but the theming of this one combined with the fact that I saw it on a blog that I first followed for Dracula Daily posting has me losing it. Lose weight how, pray tell, dear tumblr ad? Lose blood weight? Because someone's drinking it? Am I going to be running through Transylvania because there's a vampire chasing me?

[imsuperhungry]

the game

"I hope we can get off this bus soon—it smells awful in here," I said, covering my nose and making a dramatic gagging gesture.

"They never clean this place, no wonder," Maggie said, grimacing at the surroundings. "The seats are probably soaked in sweat. It's like they're trying to make the ride as unpleasant as possible. Ugh, I can barely stand it."  

Maggie's complaints about the unclean seats were a stark reminder of the uncomfortable ride I was enduring on my way to the next cheer game. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I couldn’t help but hope that the game would be a success.

The six other cheerleaders and I were on the bus, heading to the game, while the eleven boys were on their way to play in the football match. We were representing our highschool team, the Eagles.

Maggie was sitting by the window, while I took the aisle seat beside her. I clutched my duffle bag, which contained my cheer outfit, pom-poms, and all the other essentials I needed for the game. As the bus bumped along the road, I glanced over at Maggie, who was staring out the window, lost in thought. I couldn’t help but feel a mix of excitement and nervousness for the game ahead.

"Psst, (y/n)!" I heard someone call out from across the aisle.

I turned to look at him with a smile, curiosity piqued. "What is it, Seb?"

"How about a bet?" he suggested, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. His eyes sparkled with a devilish glint, hinting at some playful trouble he was plotting.

"Sure, what do you have in mind?" I asked, intrigued by what he was about to propose. I leaned in slightly, eager to hear his idea and see what kind of challenge he was planning.

"If we win the match against the Lions, you’ll have to go out with me. What do you say? It’ll be a fun way to celebrate our victory, and I promise it'll be a great time."

I rolled my eyes playfully at him. Honestly, I should have expected this was just another one of his silly attempts to get me to go out with him. I couldn't help but be slightly amused by his persistence.

"Alright, why not? But just so you know, I'm only agreeing to get you off my back. Honestly, you're not even my type." I say with a giggle

He dramatically dropped his mouth open and placed a hand over his heart.

"I'm everybody's type!" he exclaimed, gazing directly at me.

"Not mine," Maggie chimed in from beside me.

I burst into laughter, which made Seb crack a smile as well.

"No, you just know you don't have a chance with me because you look like a rat." he said as he looked at Maggie.

It was Maggie's turn to look shocked, her eyes grew wide as saucers, and her mouth fell open in disbelief.

"Fuck you, Seb!" she shouted at him, faux anger in her voice.

"Nah, I think I'll go with (y/n)." he said, looking at me.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Maggie, who was laughing.

Before I had a chance to say anything, the bus abruptly jerked to a stop, causing Seb to tumble out of his seat and land in the aisle. He let out a surprised yelp as he scrambled to get up, while laughter erupted from the rest of us. 

"Damn!" he shouted as he picked himself up.

"Get the hell out my bus, you're here." the bus driver said, pointing to the building we had stopped in front of.

What the fuck is he doing?" I heard Maggie, looking out the window.

Following her gaze, I spotted what I assumed was their mascot—a tiger—dancing by the doors and waving at the bus.

“Dancing, you idiot,” Seb said. "Duh"

I giggled and began gathering my bag, ready to leave the bus like the other kids. As I walked down the aisle toward the exit, Seb came up behind me.I giggled and began gathering my bag, ready to leave the bus like the other kids. As I walked down the aisle toward the exit, Seb came up behind me.I giggled and began gathering my bag, ready to leave the bus like the other kids. As I walked down the aisle toward the exit, Seb came up behind me.

"Ready to wave those pom-poms for me?" Seb asked with a smirk. "When you're cheering, make sure to spell out my name and declare your love. We all know you’ve got a thing for me."

"Ugh, as if! No one wants you or your three-incher, Seb," I said, pushing him aside. I walked off the bus, leaving the driver to laugh at him.

We followed the mascot into the entrance of the school, making our way through the bustling hallways. The mascot, guided us to a locker room where we could change. Once inside, the room was filled with rows of lockers and benches, the air buzzing with anticipation. We quickly began swapping out of our casual clothes and into our cheerleading outfits, preparing ourselves for the upcoming game.

"Hey, do we just pick any of the stalls to use?" I asked Maggie, feeling a bit confused.

"That’s what I was planning on," she replied, as she started to open the door to an empty stall.

I made my way to the stall adjacent to hers and closed the door with a soft click. Inside, I stripped off my shirt and sweats, tossing them onto a nearby bench. I pulled out my cheerleading uniform from my bag, carefully unfolding it. With a quick, practiced motion, I slipped into the bright, cheerful outfit, adjusting it to fit comfortably as I prepared for the game.

Lastly, I applied a fresh layer of lip gloss, giving my reflection a final touch-up in the small mirror mounted on the stall wall. I then gathered my sweats, folding them neatly before stuffing them into my duffle bag.

The uniform was a vibrant pink, adorned with white cheetah prints on the skirt. The top featured our school logo, with a ribbon intricately tied into the design. To complete the ensemble, we were given stockings embellished with silky white bows.

I grabbed my bag and stepped out of the stall, searching for Maggie. As I navigated the bustling locker room, I accidentally bumped into another girl, who looked up at me with a surprised expression.

She was dressed in a red cheerleading outfit, adorned with a lion emblem on the top. Her long, black hair was pulled into a high ponytail, secured with a red ribbon that matched her outfit perfectly.

"Excuse me," I said, trying to maneuver around her.

"Hold on, do you cheer for the other team?" she asked, stopping me with a frown and a look of surprise.

I looked at her, puzzled, but decided to answer her question anyway.

"Uh, yeah, why? Does it matter?"

"No, I just wanted to let you know that you’re really pretty," she said, smiling warmly at me.

"Oh, uh, thanks. You do too," I replied, offering a quick smile as I walked past her towards Maggie’s stall.

She seemed... nice?

I knocked on the stall where I heard Maggie’s voice and asked, "Are you done in there?"

"Almost done, I just need to put my stockings on," she called out, her voice carrying just enough for me to hear.

I stood outside her stall, listening to the rustle of fabric and the sound of her bag zipping as she got ready.

When she finally emerged, she adjusted her skirt and gave herself a final once-over to ensure everything was in place.

"You ready?" I asked her.

"Yep, let’s go," she replied, flashing a confident smile.

_____________________________________

The air outside was warm and refreshing as we stepped out. The boys were already in the midst of their game, and the match was nearing its end, signaling that it was almost time for us to take the field and perform.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t know much about football at all; I just really enjoy cheering.

A referee blew his whistle, and all the players on the field halted their play, making their way to the benches to grab some water. We were ahead by 10 points.

Maggie sat next to me, and we talked about our dance and how it was going to go, the rest of the cheerleaders talked amongst themselves. I mentioned how I wanted to get ice-cream after the game and Maggie said she wanted to tag along; we might even invite Sebastian if he doesn't say anything that would drive me away.

Sebastian is a friend of ours, he kinda just tags along wherever we go.

I would be lying if I said he isn't kinda cute...

I looked up and noticed that the cheerleaders from the opposing team were starting to gather in a huddle, discussing their routine. Since they were set to perform before us, they were likely preparing and getting into the mood.

Maggie and I watched as the opposing cheerleaders lined up in a single-file line at the center of the field, each one positioned directly behind the other.

"L-I-O-N-S, here's a fact, we're the best!" the girl at the front shouted, waving her pom-poms energetically. I recognized her as the girl who had called me pretty in the locker room and watched as she led the rest of the cheer.

I zoned out, unable to focus on the cheer, as my mind wandered to what I wanted for dinner. Another girl started shouting a rhyme, but my mind kept drifting, making it difficult to concentrate.

I glanced at Maggie, who was watching the girls with an unamused expression. Sensing my gaze, she turned her attention away from them to face me.

"We could definitely do better than that," she remarked, glancing back at the girls with a critical eye.

I searched the benches for Seb, but instead of his dark brown eyes, I found myself looking into a pair of light blue eyes that resembled the sky.

I locked eyes with the boy for a few moments before quickly looking away, nearly forgetting about the girls' cheering in the background.

He glanced at me for a bit longer before chuckling to himself and then turned to chat with his friend, who was also looking my way.

When I finally spotted Seb, he was looking at me too. I waved, and he waved back. We exchanged a glance before one of the boys on our team tapped him on the shoulder.

He held up his index finger, signaling for me to wait a moment. Leaning in, he listened as his friend whispered something in his ear, causing Seb to shake his head.

His friend then glanced at me, winked, and mimed holding a phone to his ear with his hand.ar.

Seb playfully smacked his friend's hand away from his ear, and I couldn't help but laugh. Letting the boys bicker, I glanced back and noticed the girls had finished cheering as the crowd applauded for them.

A person I didn’t recognize waved us down from where we were standing and told us it was our turn to perform.

Our group quickly gathered, finding our starting positions on the field. The energy was electric as we aligned ourselves, each of us taking a deep breath to focus. The anticipation in the air was palpable as we readied ourselves to deliver the cheer, muscles tense and hearts pounding in sync with the rhythm we were about to create.

We burst into our routine, every movement sharp and synchronized. The rhythm of our steps, the snap of our arms, and the chorus of our voices blended together, filling the field with energy. Time seemed to blur as we flowed from one formation to the next, each cheer building on the last.

Before I knew it, we were in our final stance, breathless and beaming, as the crowd erupted into applause.

I stood back-to-back with Maggie, facing the crowd. One hand rested on my hip while the other held a pom pom high in the air, waving it energetically.

Soon after, the crowd erupted in applause and cheers. I spun around to face Maggie and wrapped her in a big, enthusiastic hug.

We waved to the crowd and made our way off the field, returning to the bleachers to watch as the boys prepared for the remainder of the game.

I sat back down in my previous spot and told Maggie how great she had performed on the field.

"Hey," I heard a familiar voice say from in front of me. I looked up and saw Seb, grinning at me like a goofball. "You looked amazing out there," he said, his eyes sparkling with admiration. I felt a warm smile spread across my face as I thanked him, the sincerity of his compliment making my cheeks flush slightly.

"Thanks, Seb. You played really well too," I said, my smile widening. "Do you want to join me and Maggie for some ice cream after the game?"

"Ohh, is this your way of asking me out on a date?" he teased, a playful glint in his eye and a crooked smile tugging at his lips.

"Seb, it's a simple yes or no, you doofus," I said, giving him a playful glare.

"Well, if you wanted to go out with me, you could've just asked," he said with a wink, sliding his safety helmet into place.

"IT'S NOT A DATE, SEB!" I shouted after him as he dashed off to join the coach for a huddle.

I rolled my eyes and turned to Maggie, who was wiggling her eyebrows at me with a mischievous grin. "What was that about?" she asked, her smirk widening.

"Nothing! I was just inviting him to tag along with us," I said, trying to defend myself.

"Lies! I saw how nervous you were around him—admit it, you like him!" she said, shaking me by the shoulders with a teasing grin.

"What?! Me? Like him? Ew!" I exclaimed, scrunching up my face and acting grossed out by Maggie’s attempts to get me to admit my feelings for Seb.

"Oh, come on, girl, it's sooo obvious!" she squealed, her excitement barely contained.

I swallowed hard and glanced at her. Maggie’s smile was wide, and her eyes were locked onto mine with a playful glint. Her enthusiasm was almost palpable as she waited for my response.

"Okay, fine! I may or may not have a crush on Sebastian." I admitted, meeting her gaze with a mix of embarrassment and resignation.

"Oh my god, this is amazing!" Maggie gasped. "I could totally set you two up! I know he—"

"NO!" I interrupted, cutting her off with a frantic shout.

"Sorry, I just think we should wait before I say anything to him," I said, trying to calm the situation.

"Ohhh, so you're scared," she stated, her eyes twinkling with playful curiosity as she looked at me.

"What! No! I just—" I started, but Maggie’s unimpressed look made me falter. "Yes. I'm very scared," I admitted with a sigh.

"Why? You know for a fact he likes you back!"

"That's the thing, I don't. What if this is some kind of joke he's playing?" I said, the uncertainty clear in my voice.

"Girl, shut the hell up and ask him out," she said, fixing me with a determined look. "Either you do it today when we get ice cream, or I’ll do it myself."

I hesitated before answering, my mind racing with doubts.

What if he doesn't feel the same? What if this is just part of some cruel joke he's playing?

But then again, I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. There's also a chance he really does like me.

"Fine, I'll ask him out." I said as I sighed and rubbed my cheeks.

"Great! I’m so happy!" Maggie said, resting her head on my shoulder with a contented sigh.

I rolled my eyes and glanced back at Seb, who was smiling at me as the game started. I felt my face warm up, and I returned his smile, letting it grow a little. _____________________________________

I held hands with Maggie as we walked back to the front of the school. Our victory in the game had lifted everyone's spirits, and our moods brightened noticeably.

We were still wearing our cheerleading uniforms, but Seb and the rest of the team had changed into different outfits. Seb was on my right, while Maggie was on my left.

He was rambling about the adrenaline rush he felt out on the field.

"It's just, I've never so scared and excited at the same time!" he exclaimed.

"Seb, we get it. You love playing football," Maggie said, rolling her eyes.

"I do! I fucking love it!" he yelled again, his enthusiasm unabated.

"Alright," I began, "There's an ice cream shop just down the street, within walking distance, is that where we go?"

Seb and Maggie both nodded enthusiastically, which made me laugh.

We all walked hand-in-hand, heading in the direction of the ice cream shop.

_____________________________________

Maggie and Seb took a seat at the retro red table in the corner of the shop while I went up to place our orders.

Maggie wanted a "Candy Craze," which was essentially a heaping mix of M&Ms, chocolate pieces, cookie crumbles, and fudge piled on top of vanilla ice cream.

Seb just wanted strawberry ice cream—plain and simple, but incredibly good.

I told the cashier our orders, and she confirmed them, saying they’d be ready in 5 to 7 minutes.

I smiled and thanked her before heading back to my friends.

I’ve always had this rule: be kind to waitstaff, cashiers, and other retail workers. They deal with so many rude people each day; why not spread a little kindness?

I sat down next to Seb and across from Maggie, who were still engrossed in conversation.

I pulled out my phone and began scrolling through my notifications, feeling bored.

Snapchat...

News station...

Subway Surfers...

James? The fuck-

"Hey!" Maggie whisper-shouted, drawing my attention away from my phone.

"What!?" I whispered back, my curiosity piqued.

She waved her hand, signaling for me to lean in closer to the table, and I complied.

Then, she placed her mouth a few inches from my ear and began to whisper.

"I'm going to the bathroom for a few minutes," she whispered. "While I'm in there, I want you to ask Seb out." She pulled away and looked at me, her gaze intense and expectant.

I tried to protest, but she had already made her way to the bathroom, leaving me no room to argue.

When she left, I looked back at Seb, who was already staring at me.

"Listen, (y/n)," he began, his gaze steady. "I really do want to go out on a date with you. After all, we did win."

Oh, so he's going to ask me out instead? Alright then.

"Honestly, I really think I'd make a great boyfriend," he said with a grin, jokingly flexing his arms. "I've got the looks and the personality."

"Looks, sure. Personality? Eh," I said, jokingly." But since I agreed, I accept," I said with a smile. "I'll go out on a few dates with you."

His eyes widened in surprise, clearly not expecting me to accept after all the previous hesitation and rejection. A look of genuine delight crossed his face as he processed my response.

"Do—uh, do I have permission to kiss you?" he asked, his voice tinged with hopeful uncertainty.

"Why not?" I replied, gazing at him intently.

He leaned in, hesitating as he debated whether to kiss me, suspecting it might be a trap for some reason.

I rolled my eyes, realizing it would take forever if I left it up to him. So, I placed my hands on the back of his head and gently guided his lips to mine.

Our lips met softly at first, a tentative brush that sent a spark through both of us. His breath was warm against my skin as he leaned in closer, and the kiss deepened, growing more assured with every passing second. His hesitation melted away as our movements synchronized, the gentle pressure of his lips gradually becoming more passionate.

The kiss was a blend of sweetness and intensity, leaving us both breathless when we finally pulled away.

I gave him a small smile and excused myself, mentioning I needed to reapply my lip gloss.

I stood up from the booth and headed to the bathroom, just in time to see Maggie stepping out as I approached.

I bumped into her, sharing a quick giggle before I continued walking past her into the room.

I locked the door to the single-stalled restroom and stood in front of the mirror, frowning at the state of my lips.

My lips, once perfectly coated in a glossy sheen, were now smudged and slightly swollen from the kiss. The vibrant color had faded unevenly, leaving patches of gloss mixed with bare skin.

With a small sigh, I reached into my bag, ready to fix what had been undone. 

I reached into her bag and pulled out a sleek tube of lip gloss, twisting it open with a practiced motion. The gloss spread evenly, restoring the shine and vibrancy that had been lost. My lips appeared fuller, the gloss catching the light and adding a subtle, alluring sheen.

I walked back to our table and saw our ice cream sitting there, with a plastic red spoon sticking out of it.

I took my seat next to Seb and took a deep breath. 

“Did you have to run to the bathroom or something?” Seb asked.

“Seb!”

_____________________________________

I lay on my plush bed, my right cheek resting on the pillow and my face buried in the covers. Despite the comfort of the bed, I felt like an idiot with the huge grin stuck on my face.

My mind wandered back to the events of the day—Seb's kiss, his request to see me again, and the whirlwind of emotions that followed. The memories replayed in my mind, and I couldn't help but smile even more, replaying every detail of the moment.

Maggie's mom came to pick us up and drive us home since we didn't live to far away from eachother.

As I was drifting off to sleep, exhausted from the day's events, the ringing of the phone interrupted my peaceful moment. The sound cut through the blur of my thoughts, pulling me back to wakefulness as I groggily reached for the phone.

RING

I groaned and rolled out of bed, landing with a thud on the carpeted floor below.

RING

After a few seconds, I picked myself up from the floor and dragged my feet toward the living room, where the phone was still ringing.

RIN-

"Hello?" I asked, my voice thick with sleep.

"Hey (y/n)," came the familiar voice from the other end of the line.

"Oh, hey Seb. What's up?" I asked, feeling a surge of alertness as the sleepiness quickly faded away.

"I just got a question to ask you," he said.

"What is it?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

"Do you maybe want to come to my house tomorrow? I just found one of my favorite old movies, and I was thinking it could be our first date."

"Sure, what movie?" I asked, twirling the phone cord around my finger

"That's to find out later, it’s a surprise," he said, his smirk evident in his voice.

"Whatever, what time?" I asked, trying to keep my excitement in check.

"Around 8. I've got some errands to run tomorrow," he replied.

"Alright then, I'll see you then," I said, biting my lip and smiling

"See you then, cutie."

[thewulf]

So Clueless || Aaron Hotchner

Summary: Request - I do want to add to your plate if you don't mind 😬 can I request a hotch x younger!reader fic where it's years after WITSEC and his retirement and he's remarried to someone younger he met at his new, normal person job... Read Rest Here

A/N: I'm back!! Loved writing this one so much! Hope you guys enjoy :)

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Word Count: 3.8k+

You never planned to change your last name if you ever got married. You came through on that plan after falling in love and marrying Aaron Hotchner. He, in his early fifties, and you, a little younger than that, fell in love quickly after meeting at work when he started there almost ten years prior. You were a zookeeper and Aaron was your area manager, the rest was quite literally history.

The two of you hid the secret relationship until he was moved elsewhere in the zoo finally allowing you to come out with it. Dating turned to an engagement turned to marriage. You became Jack’s, now 17, stepmom and brought in his younger brother, Riley who just turned 9, and sister, Madison who was 7, not too long after the two of you tied the knot. Weeks turned to months turned to years and you loved your life, you really did. But the kids were getting older, and you needed a bit of a challenge. Aaron joked about you joining the FBI and the idea stuck. You weren’t a profiler, no, but you would make a damn good communications liaison. You’d basically become that for the zoo you were working at anyway. Your position of zookeeper gradually shifted to communications lead throughout the park.

Your plan was put on hold until one fateful afternoon when you saw the elusive job posting come through to your inbox. You just kept rereading the job posting before making sure your resume was up to date. You wanted to apply but decided to wait for Aaron to make sure it looked as good as possible. He worked there for years, he had to have some tricks up his sleeve.

It wasn’t a few hours later that all three of your children and Aaron came bounding through the front door off to do whatever they had planned. You’d always offered to pick the kids up from their various sports practices after work, but Aaron often refused, he wanted to spend the time with them. You could only imagine how guilty he felt about missing out on Jacks start of life. He refused to miss out on any of Riley’s or Maddie’s.

“Sweetheart.” Aaron kissed your cheek as you finished putting dishes in the dishwasher.

“Hi hon.” You hugged his side pulling him into your embrace, “How was your day?” Laying your head on his chest you looked up to him with all the love in your eyes.

“Pretty uneventful. Mandy and Anthony were at each other’s necks again. The animals behaved better than people, the usual.” He hugged you back brushing a few strands of stray hair from your eyeline.

This was his favorite part of the day, spending time with you. The fact that he knew he got to come home to you warmed his heart. Too often before he spent time in hotel rooms instead of his own bed. Oh, how he loved his own bed.

You grinned, “They just need to hook up already. For everybody’s sanity’s sake.”

“Y/N!” He laughed squeezing your side.

You pulled away from him shrugging, “What? You know they only bicker like that for one reason. They both need to just need to get it over with. I think Tammy said she was going to kill one of them sooner or later if they don’t shut the hell up. Her words, not mine.” You pulled a beer out of the fridge handing it to him. It was a Friday night, neither of you had any commitments in the morning, why not get your husband a little tipsy?

He took it from you, happily, “Cheers.”

You clinked glasses with him giving him nothing but a happy smile.

“Anything we’re drinking for something?” He raised an eyebrow, surely profiling you.

Letting your head nod up and down you laughed softly, “How do you always know?”

He smiled walking closer to you, “It was once my job to notice.” He pulled you back into his embrace by looping a finger through your jean belt loop, pulling you right towards him.

“Speaking of that.” You leaned your chin on his chest looking up at him with a smile. You didn’t miss his eyebrow raise in curiosity, “Job opening just came through.” Handing him your phone you waited for him to say something, anything. He knew how hard you’d been working to set yourself up as the most desirable candidate. Often going to lectures and seminars. Inserting yourself in the world you were so far away from. Going to go get a criminal communications degree at the FBI’s favorite school, Georgetown. You wanted more, needed more than what you were stuck doing.

He nodded giving you another once over, “Honey are you sure?”

“I’m positive.” You smiled, “I finally graduated with my criminal communications degree. I’ve outgrown my position at the zoo. I think it’s perfect timing Aaron.”

“Okay sweetheart. Let’s go get that resume cleaned up.” He reached for your hand ready to get down to business. He’d do anything for you, and this was what you wanted so that made it what he wanted too.

You weren’t sure how much Aaron had helped but you knew it had to be more than he was admitting to. He claimed he simply gave Prentiss and Strauss a call to put in a good word. You knew it was more than that when you got the compensation offer for far more than you’d discussed. You weren’t going to question it though. Your mom always told you never to look a gift horse in the mouth.

You’d have assumed Aaron had told somebody of your relation to him. That assumption was soon to be proven untrue when you met the infamous BAU Unit Chief Emily Prentiss from all of Aaron’s stories who was clearly trying to figure you out. When she asked you, “Are you married?” You knew she hadn’t a clue who you were. This was so Aaron to keep his two lives completely separated. A little heads up would’ve been nice though.

“I am. I have a stepson and two kids with him.” You smiled wondering how long you could play this game until they figured it out.

Emily smiled pressing the elevator button going up, “What are their names?” She was just being friendly. Knowing she was childfree for good reason.

You knew it wouldn’t give you away in the slightest, but it gave you the slightest thrill to speak his name out loud, “Jack is my stepson. Riley and Maddie are my younger two.” You pulled out a picture that strategically hid the younger Hotchner’s face showing it to Emily.

“They’re adorable.” She handed the phone back to you.

“Do you have any?” You asked knowing the answer. It felt odd knowing everything about her, yet she hadn’t a clue who you were. But you had to play stupid, or you’d make it pretty obvious something was up.

She shook her head, “No. But I have six agents that act like it sometimes.” She shot you a wink letting you get out of the elevator first. You got along great with the team after quickly recognizing JJ, Spencer, Morgan, and Penelope from Aaron’s pictures. Playing dumb was getting harder and harder throughout the day when you let it slip that your husband’s name was Aaron and that his son Jack had just gotten his license in a story you were retelling. Something they had just been told by him not that long ago. Surprisingly nobody picked up on anything, not that you could tell anyway. You weren’t a profiler but being married to one had you pick up on the small things that people normally glossed over.

When you got home that night you had Aaron howling with laughter after you detailed the day and how his old team didn’t seem to have a clue that you were in fact his wife of nearly ten years now.

“Don’t tell them. Let’s see how long it takes.” He cupped your face in his hands brushing his thumbs over your lips softly, waiting for your response.

A slight nod in his hands, “Any reason?” You asked, all too curious.

He shook his head, “Let’s see how well I trained them.” He laughed again. You joined in finding his joy more than contagious. More often than not he was in an incredible mood finding any and every reason to make you smile.

“They’re not doing so well Agent Hotchner.” You baited him. Taking a step back with a silly little smirk you watched his reaction.

He threw his hands up, “it’s only been a day sweetheart. Give them a week or two.”

“That’s a deal.” You grinned pulling his waist in for a quick kiss on the lips. Grinning when you felt him smile into the kiss. You felt those similar butterflies you always got from him. How he managed to make you swoon all these years later was beyond your wildest dreams.

They in fact did not figure it out within a week or two. It had been a month now since you started working with the BAU at the FBI and they had yet to even piece two and two together. You’d given them your whole life story minus pictures. The only good excuse you had was that you were private. It worked though. Nobody pried. You provided the same courtesy to them too. Only digging as far as they’d let you.

Aaron had even gotten his longtime friend and colleague, the one you’d actually met, Rossi to play the game. He stopped by the offices every now and then to help the team when they were in town. Retirement was great but even he had to admit he was terribly bored. He claimed he needed to keep his brain from going mushy, so he had to help on cases.

He was having all too much fun testing the team, “Y/N.” He called bringing you back to the present and away from your mind.

“Yes, Rossi?” You looked up from the stack of paperwork you were powering through, definitely your least favorite thing about the job.

“How’s your husband doing? Haven’t talked with him in a while.” He smirked knowing only you could see his face.

He wasn’t technically lying. Aaron and Dave normally spoke almost daily. They’d been missing each other this week though, “He’d good. Said he’s looking forward to seeing you and Pat this weekend.”

Morgan frowned interrupting the conversation between the two of you, “You know her husband?”

Had somebody  finally started picking up on it? How was Rossi going to talk his way out of this one?

Rossi nodded, “Oh yeah, we go back years. Friends for a long time. It’s a small world.”

Derek nodded trying to get a better read on the situation, “They’ve known each other longer than we have.” You smiled. If the team hadn’t been so overloaded he might’ve picked up on it. But he simply nodded turning back to his massive pile of bullshit he had to get done before he could leave.

“That was close.” You whispered earning a soft chuckle from the older man.

“I’ll see you later Y/N.”

You waved, “See you Dave.”

“Small world? Huh?” Derek looked back up giving you a side eye almost as if he didn’t fully believe your story.

“Incredibly small.” You confirmed.

If he knew he didn’t say a word. It wouldn’t be that hard to hide if they did any sort of digging, which you were sure Penny had already done. Why she hadn’t told the whole team was a mystery unto itself. There wasn’t a chance she didn’t do a deep dive on you for Strauss before the FBI hired you. Maybe Aaron had gotten to her before you did?

You only laughed when you saw Rossi’s old pickup truck siting in your driveway as you pulled in after working later into the night. To your delight the house was quiet leading you to believe the kids were elsewhere for the weekend. Aaron always had a plan, always. Something you’d grown to love very deeply. He could take charge of any and every situation no matter how big or small.

“David, I thought you said you’d be over Sunday. Not that I’m not happy you’re here.” You grinned setting your work bag down by the kitchen island.

“That was the plan until this afternoon. Aaron needed to know how his team is missing every sign.” David poured you a glass of the chilled Pinot Grigio he brought over.

“They are busy Rossi, be nice.” You took a long sit of the cool wine.

Rossi smiled, “We have to send in the big guns Monday Aaron. Jack has to come in. Bring in Y/N’s lunch or something.”

“That’ll give it away.” You grinned setting the glass down.

He shrugged, “They’ll never figure it out at this rate.”

Aaron sighed, “I’ve got to admit. I’m a little disappointed.” The smile on his face betrayed his words though. He loved every second of this. And with Jack being off for the summer he didn’t see why he couldn’t conveniently drive him in to drop off his mom’s lunch.

The plan sprang to life when Monday rolled around. You couldn’t believe Derek had gotten up almost the second that Jack walked out of the elevator. Waving him over you didn’t notice any of your teammates watching. Unreal, what were the odds of that.

He’d almost gotten in and out unspotted, or so you thought, before Derek walked back over spotting the now grown Hotchner.

“Hey kid! What are you doing here? You grew another three inches since the last time we saw you a few months ago.” Derek roughed the teen’s hair up. You only grinned sitting in your seat, somehow he’d missed the entire interaction between the two of you.

“Just dropping off my mom’s lunch.” Jack smiled knowing what game he had to play too. The Hotchner boys were having way too much fun with all of this.

“She works here?” Derek asked, surprise evident in his voice. He didn’t suspect a thing.

“She does.” He didn’t elaborate any further knowing he’d give the whole gig up if he did, careful not to look back at you.

You watched as Derek tried to figure out who the hell it could be. Obviously it had to be somebody on the floor. It wouldn’t be long before he put it all together now, “Well I hope that means we’ll see you some more kid.”

He nodded, “When I’m not in school. See you later Derek.”

“See you Y/N.” He waved making sure not to blow his cover.

“Bye Jack.” You winked at him making sure Derek couldn’t see, “I’ll see you later.”

When you looked back over at Derek he was staring right at you, “Sweet kid.”

He nodded confirming what you had just said. Curiosity got the better of him as he asked, “Did you see who his mom was?” Missing the fact that Jack just said bye to you and knew your name.

You shook your head, “Afraid not.”

“Interesting.” He kept looking at you. Then to the lunch that was sitting at your desk then back at you. He had to know. He was far too smart not too. But he didn’t say a word.

Raising an eyebrow, you knew he was so close to connecting the dots, “What is?” Giving him a sweet smile trying your best to play it off.

“Hotchner’s kid being here. Last thing I expected to see today.” He sat down at his desk across from yours.

You bobbed your head along, “Old boss?”

Derek hummed turning back to his paperwork letting you know he was getting back to work. How he hadn’t gotten it yet was a little surprising to you but being bogged down with so much work probably did have something to do with it. You didn’t see Spencer sitting there at his own desk across the aisle listening in very closely. He did see Jack come right up to you handing you a brown paper bag before making a beeline to Rossi’s office. It didn’t take him more than two seconds after that to realize you were his old boss’s wife. How could he not have seen it? Sure, you didn’t take his last name, but he still should’ve put it together. You weren’t shy about using his and Jack’s names.

Spencer let out an audible sigh once he realized deciding to keep his mouth shut. It was clearly a game at this point. How long would it take the rest of the team to notice?

You smiled looking at the team photos on the wall in the conference room. It was fun to see Aaron in his element outside of what he does now. It was hard to believe he was so serious and rigid. So different than the carefree man he was now. The one he was allowed to be after taking the retirement deal Strauss offered him all those years ago.

“That was is 2009. We were all pretty new to the team back then. Minus Hotch and Rossi.” Spencer’s voice spoke from beside you. That drew your eyes away from your young husband and back towards him.

“You all look like babies.” You laughed scanning over the much younger faces of the team members.

Spencer smiled, “I’d like to say we were naïve too, but we were years into it at that point. We’d seen it all, how awful humanity could be.”

You couldn’t fully understand Aaron’s stories until you had gotten here. This team truly saw the worst of the worst and stories only told you so much. In just your month here you fully understood. You got why he cautioned you. You could certainly handle it. It didn’t make it any easier though.

“Yeah, at least you had each other right?” You asked.

“Couldn’t have done it without them.” He turned pointing towards Aaron, “Without him. He did a lot for us. Miss him a lot sometimes.”

“He’s handsome.” You grinned not thinking Spencer had a clue of his relation to you.

He ignored you asking his own question, “Did you change your last name when you got married?”

You shook your head quickly, “No, too much of a hassle now a days. My friend got into a legal nightmare with taxes when everything didn’t switch over properly.”

He laughed softly enjoying your rambling, “What’s his last name then. Aaron what? Don’t think you ever told us, Y/N.” He leaned back on the wall grinning like a little Cheshire cat.

Busted. He had to have known. Do you tell him? Might as well, “Hotchner.” You bit your cheek to hide the little smile that was threatening to spill over.

He clapped his hands together, “I knew it.”

“Course you figured it out.” You laughed seeing the excitement of being right cross his face, “What gave it away?”

“Jack dropping off your lunch.” He scratched the back of his head, “It’s a little embarrassing I didn’t figure that out sooner.”

You shrugged, “It’s not like I’ve met you before. Plus, we’re more than a little busy here.”

“Is that why we didn’t get an invite to the wedding? He wanted to hide that side of his life away?” A flash of what looked like hurt crossed his face before a neutral expression took over.

You shook your head quickly, “Our parents didn’t even get an invite. It was just me, Jack, and Aaron.” You bumped your hip against his trying your best to reassure him.

Relief washed over, “Small wedding.”

You laughed, “Very intimate. We’d both already done the big fancy weddings. We wanted to make it just about us. It was incredible.” You admitted to him. Divulging another aspect of your life to him that had yet to come up. You’d gotten married and divorced. Married far too young with no plan didn’t make for a very loving and lasting relationship.

“Wait.” Derek’s booming voice came from the entrance of the conference room, “You’re married to Hotch?”

You spun around on your heal facing Derek and the team behind him with equally confused expressions, “Guilty as charged.” You smiled at them. You had to start laughing seeing all their expressions go from confusion to recognition to acceptance.

“Finally!” Penny let out a rather large sigh of relief, “I’ve been hiding that for far too long.” She shot you a wink.

Derek cocked his head to the side, “Why didn’t you say something baby girl?”

You spoke up for her knowing he was about to try and guilt trip her, “It was Aaron’s idea. Rossi and I just played along. Penny’s good at keeping secrets.” You returned her wink noting Rossi’s absence. He’d be so annoyed he missed this.

Derek’s jaw looked like it was about to hit the floor, “Well I guess it’s nice to formally meet you Mrs. Hotchner.”

Shaking your head you responded with a big cheesy grin on your own face, “He thinks he failed you all at this rate. We had a bet that you’d get it within two weeks. He took the under.”

“Don’t look so smug Hotchner lite.” He took two fingers and pointed them right at you.

The entire room erupted at that one, “Hotchner lite. I like that one.” You answered him once all the laughter died down.

“Alright,” Emily commanded the attention back from the room, “Hotch owes us all a round after pulling that little stunt.”

“That he does.” You agreed, “He said your all invited over once you figure it out. Consider this the formal invitation.” The team agreed before the day started and the case was given. Fortunately, the case was local.

When you got home late that night you found your husband quickly wrapping him in a big hug before spilling the details of your day. He stood there listening to every word like it could be your last. Just another thing you adored about him. He just made you feel so cherished and adored.

“Of course, it was Reid.” Aaron chuckled once you finished the story, “For as smart as they all are they can be so clueless sometimes.”

“That’s what I said!” You joined in the laughter with him as the two of you snuggled in on the couch. Neither of you making a move to turn on the TV, just enjoying each other’s presence. Leaning your head down on his chest your eyes drifted shut listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

“I love you sweetheart, get some sleep.” He ran his hands through your hair knowing that’d knock you right on out.

“Love you.” You mumbled before falling asleep on top of him, happier than ever with the way your life seemed to just fall into line.

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[crazycurly-77]

Games

Don't really know what possessed me to write this, but here it is. Have fun! 

After a hard and tiring case Tim, Tony, Abby and you were celebrating the successful completion in a cute little bar. Amazingly even Gibbs joined your round.

You had a lot of fun and at one point during the evening Tony discovered the little stage and the karaoke machine. So he suggested playing a game. You all cheered about this idea. The game you played was truth or dare and everybody agreed to play. 

To decide who's next Tony put an empty bottle in the middle of the table and spinned it around. 

Tim was the first to play and said “truth”. Abby laughed and cheered immediately and asked him “how do you like my new tattoo?” His head became a fiery red and he stuttered “it's hot.”

“Wheeee!!!” She was absolutely excited, which made even Gibbs laugh. He was sitting beside you and was very content about that, because he came to be able to spend a few nice hours with you outside of work. 

But that you didn't know. Sure, the two of you got along very well and in the last couple of months in which you were working with Abby the team became friends to you, but you developed tender feelings for the silver fox as well. 

That he developed deep feelings for you too was a fact and everybody saw his longing looks towards you, except yourself. You were busy with trying to hide your feelings and pining after him yourself. 

You laughed so hard because of Abby's lucky dance, that you nearly missed that the bottle had landed on Tony. With a mischievous grin he chose “dare”. “I see a karaoke machine on the stage. So I dare you to sing “Rock DJ” of Robbie Williams” Tim challenged him. 

Tony laughed and nodded saying “alright!” and walked towards the place of the upcoming desaster. He performed extremely good, but luckily he was good in his job. His singing had your ears nearly bleeding, but it was very funny. 

He came back to the table exhausted, panting heavily and laughing his ass off as you all did. Sitting down he grabbed the bottle and spinned it. 

Again you were lucky. Abby was next. “Truth” she said smiling widely. 

Tony grinned as only he could and then asked “do you and Tim have an affair?” 

She clapped her hands laughing again and yelled a loud “Yes! Sure!” 

Pour Tim became red as a tomato again and tried not to be seen. 

Gibbs only looked at him, but said nothing. In all the happiness the atmosphere was now a little tense, so Abby quickly took the bottle to lighten the mood once more. 

This time you had no such luck as previously. The bottle landed on you. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes and said “Dare”. 

Abby knew that you can sing, because you were sometimes singing when you were waiting for test results and she loved your voice. But she was the only one who knew of your talent. 

Secretly she planned on getting Gibbs and you together because of your feelings for one another and this game was her perfect chance to work on this project. So she dared you “you have to sing “Hallelujah” in the version of Rufus Wainwright.”

All were laughing and you shrugged your shoulders saying simply “okay.”

You entered the stage, went to the machine and put it off with the words “that I don't need” and you winked to the waiting people. 

Then you took a seat on the piano and began to play and to sing. You closed your eyes to feel the music as you sang and the whole room was silent. After the song ended and you stood to walk back to your colleagues your audience gave you standing ovations. 

Abby fell into your arms jumping up and down “I knew you would make it! And it was so wonderful! I love your voice!”

“Y/N! I didn't know you could sing. Why didn't you told me?” Tony pouted. 

You smiled “you didn't asked.”

Sitting beside Gibbs again he layed his hand on your shoulder and said “very good, Y/L/N. Should sing more often.”

He gave you such a warm and tender smile that your mind gone blank and your heart was racing in your chest. Could he hear and feel it beating so fast? 

The two of you were so captured in each other that you didn't noticed that Tony answered another question truthfully and now directed the bottle back to you. 

Nobody complained about that, because all of them wanted to hear more from you. 

“Me once again? You're kidding. But alright. What do you want to hear?” you asked laughing. Immediately Tony demanded triumphantly “Sitting on a dock of a bay” of Otis Redding!”

“Yeah!!!” was heared from all sides. 

“Good. So be it” you nodded and walked back to the stage. 

Again everyone was fascinated and excited. 

“You are a singer!! What are you doing in the lab?” Tim asked in earnest. 

Your cheeks burned “Thank you so much, but it's just a hobby of mine and I love what I'm doing professionally.”

So this was settled. 

Gibbs asked himself the same what Tim had asked you and he feared your answer, but there was nothing to fear. You wouldn't leave him, would you? 

Of course they said that you were the next again and before you could say anything Tim cheered “I love when you sing ballads. So please, I want to hear “Run” of Leona Lewis.”

That was a sad but wonderful song, because it gives courage. 

So you sang it and Gibbs had to swallow hard. You singing this song got absolutely under his skin, no matter what. 

Tim, Tony and Abby saw this and congratulated themselves. Their plan seemed to work. Sure, originally it was Abby's plan, but Tim and Tony decided to help her as they noticed what she tried. 

Tim was next, so you didn't have to spend the whole evening on stage. He had to drink a glass of beer in one go as he chose the dare. Tony came after him, made the same choice and had to drink a glass of rum. He coughed heavily, but finally he made it and cheered at himself and bathed in his triumph. 

“Now it's my turn!” he then yelled and spun the bottle again. And again you had bad luck, because it landed once more on you. 

“Why does it never land on Gibbs?” you murmured a little annoyed. 

“Because it has too much fear of him!” Tony laughed and nearly toppled over because of it. 

While all were laughing, this earned him a glare and a head-slap from the boss. 

But it didn't help, it was your turn, so you said confidentially “I'll stick with dare.”

Surely you had only to sing again…

…but no!!!

Abby sent you a mischievous grin and demanded “you have to kiss Gibbs.”

Your jaw dropped and you blanched of surprise. Then you gulped and kissed him on the cheek. Everyone was disappointed, but most especially him. For a moment he thought his dreams would come true and his heart was trying to jump out of his chest, but no. He only felt your lips that he wanted to taste so much on his cheek.

Your cheeks however burned of embarrassment. Your heart was racing and you feared his reaction, but he simply stared at you with his wonderful ice blue eyes. 

Then you spun the bottle. It landed on Abby. She chose dare and gave a really good performance of AC/DC's “Thunderstruck”. 

Your little break wasn't long before it was your turn again. This time you chose to tell the truth. So Tony took his chance, stared at you and asked “do you have a boyfriend currently?” 

Once again you turned red “actually not. No, I don't have a boyfriend or someone like that at the moment.”

Tony and most of all Gibbs were very pleased with your answer. 

Then you turned the bottle, but Abby manipulated it, so it landed on you once more. You sighed and said “dare”.

Tim spoke up and made a wish “I would like to hear “The Rose” of Bette Midler.”

Abby cried excited “Yes! Such a wonderful song. A really good choice.”

You rolled your eyes, but went smiling to the stage once again. You loved singing, but you were getting slowly tired of the game. And you had a feeling, that maybe the three of Tim, Tony and Abby were up to something. 

But okay, it was your turn. 

You walked to the micro and it was silent again. Everybody held their breath in anticipation of what would happen. 

You breathed deeply to calm yourself, closed your eyes and began to sing. 

You poured all your heart in the song to get the wonderful message to your audience and everyone listened to your voice. 

You were totally oblivious that Gibbs stood up totally mesmerized and slowly walked to you. The team gasped in astonishment, but he couldn't help himself. He felt like he was drawn magically to you and couldn't resist for the life of him. 

As you had finished the song you opened your eyes to find his blue ones directly in front of you. Without a word he cupped your cheek with one hand and your waist with the other and pulled you to him. 

He wanted to taste your lips so badly so he slowly closed the distance between you and kissed you softly and tenderly. Breaking the kiss after a short while he kissed you lovingly on your forehead too, turned and walked back to your table. 

You stood there unable to move, think or do anything. What was that? Out of the blue your boss kissed you! The only thing in your mind was the word “wow!” 

After you collected yourself you went back to your table too, where you were met with three widely grinning faces and ice blue eyes which followed your every move over the edge of a beer glass. 

Sitting again next to Gibbs you took a sip from your own beer and then laughed “now it's MY turn to turn the bottle!” 

You grabbed it and instantly a hand was laid on yours. Holding your hand Gibbs turned the bottle at himself. He locked eyes with you and stated “it's my turn and I'm choosing the dare. But it's actually not a dare, but an honor.”

Everyone wondered and waited for what he was going to do, but he didn't care about the audience. He simply pulled you gently to him and kissed you hard and deeply to get his message to you and to stake his claim. 

Neither of you were able to grab a thought or say a word after this world turning kiss. You two were in your own world and forgot all your surroundings, co-workers inclusively. 

It took Tony to bring you both back to reality. He clapped Gibbs on the shoulder and winked saying “you should go and take a room.”

Instead of glaring at him, Gibbs grinned widely and murmured to you “for once he's right. Come on, Y/N. Let's go!” 

Under the cheering, clapping and laughing of your colleagues the two of you left the bar to celebrate the beginning of your life together.

The End

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Here you will find the other stories I've written to date.

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Tags: @ilovemark1951, @hobby27

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[winterlynightlystories]

“Another way out”

Tw; spoiler for Age of Ultron I guess

Do not steal my work please

Tony/Villain Male reader

Summary; After the Ultron catastrophe, everybody turns against Tony. No one listens to him and soon the hero feels trapped. Until an old enemy unexpectedly offers him a hand.

~~~~~~~~~

The tower was silent and Tony Stark hated it. It was his fault, he could not deny it. He had fuck up. Now hundreds of people had died, and a whole town had been whipped out. His greatest creation had turned into a nightmare. Ultron should have stayed an impossible dream. Not an actual project.

The worse was probably the fact no one wanted to talk to him. Pepper was long gone before he was home and the team separated the second they landed. No goodbye, not a single word. It didn't matter if he took all the blame if he already called to pay everything to rebuild the town or heal the wounded. They refused to look or talk to him.

Of course, the journalists and news channels were having the time of their life! Tony Stark had, again, done something horrible.

With a bottle of bourbon in hand, Tony walked down his lab. Jarvis was gone and he needed to work on Friday, even if he didn't have the heart to do so.

Manually opening the lights, Tony froze. Something was wrong. Yet, the genius couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. Everything was in its place. But the atmosphere was wrong. It felt as if someone had come and gone without him noticing. It was impossible; only he had the code to come down.

Tony almost dropped his bottle when he saw you sitting behind his computer, a smirk on your lips. Cursing, Tony searched for anything he could use against you, but you had made sure there was nothing that could harm you. Out of ideas, Tony brandished his bottle, ready to throw it at you.

- “Really, Tony?” you asked, your voice surprisingly soft. “I come to talk, and you, you want to hurt me?”

- “Shut up! How the hell are you alive?” hissed Tony, wondering how he could walk out of this mess.

Of course one of his greatest enemies would show up when he was alone, without anyone to call in backup. It has been a while since you two had an altercation. To be honest, Tony thought Natasha had killed you when she shot you. He had been so angry he had tried to punch her. Of course, his fist never touched her and only made the situation worse.

You weren't as brilliant as him, but you were one of the best inventors he knew. He had seen you build or create things with barely anything for the base. He both loved and hated fighting you. You challenged his brain, but also his heart and morals.

While a part of him was happy you weren't being eaten by fish, Tony wondered what you had in mind for him. No way you wouldn't seek revenge against him!

But you surprised him again by laughing. It took Tony off guard. Of all the possible reactions you could have, laughing at him was the one he had imagined. Calming himself, Tony stared at you. You wore black leather clothes and the musky smell of your cologne reached his nose. He couldn't see your gun but knew you at it somewhere. You seemed also pretty relaxed.

Not a surprise.

- “Really Tony. If I had wanted you dead, you and your little friends wouldn't have landed. But I don't want you dead.”

- “And what do you want from me? A hug? A thank you card?” asked Tony, still not lowering his improvised weapon. “I saw you get shot by Natasha and fall from that cliff. How the hell are you not dead?”

- “Tony... Tony... You should know by now; no corpse, then not dead!” you replied happily. “As to how I had myself covered against her little toys.”

- “Then what do you want from me?” asked Tony, dropping the bottle on the table before sitting next to it.

- “I told you. I came to talk.” you repeated. “I saw everything on the news and wanted to come and see by myself how you were doing. Not great should I say.”

Tony said nothing and opened his bottle. Of course, he wasn't doing fine, he didn't need you to point it out.

- “Now that you saw how miserable I am, can you go away? I'm trying to get drunk here.”

- “No, I don't think so.”

You came to sit next to him and Tony ignored you, drinking from the bottle. You didn't stop him or even tried to take it away, but the genius did keep an eye on you.

- “Tony, you and I have been through a lot together. We have fought and laughed and cried. You even cursed and blasted me through a wall once. We do know each other well enough, dare I say. So let me ask you this; why are you still with them?”

Tony turned his head toward you and stared, unsure of what to answer. He didn't need to ask who you were talking about. The Avengers. You always bothered him with that. Why? Because when Loki came and fucked the shit up, he had no choice. Yet, even when everything was over, he didn't leave. Even if he wasn't good at teamwork or listening to others, he stayed with them.

Why?

- “Honestly buttercup, I don't know.” he sighed, finishing his bottle.

The alcohol was barely affecting him and Tony cursed Pepper. She must have changed all his liquors for something weaker.

- “Then what are you doing with them?”

Again, there was no answer to that. Besides saving people? Nothing.

- “You are giving them everything you have, Tony. Your money, your life and more importantly, your brain and trust. What are they giving you?”

Tony kept quiet, too busy finishing his bottle. He wanted nothing more than to smash it against your head and beats you with it. But you were saying the truth. Forcing it in his face.

Like always.

That's probably why Natasha shot you that day.

- “Nothing” he finally answered, feeling his eyes filling with tears. “Nothing at all.”

- “Then leave them” you replied, drying one of his tears with your thumb. “Tony, you deserve better. “

- “Yeah, no. I deserve worse.” he chuckled before you slapped him behind the head.

- “I'm serious Tony.”

You sighed and lay down on the table, crossing your arms under your head.

- “I didn't just come to check on you, to be honest. I also want to offer you a partnership.”

- “Are you fucking kidding me? Me? Joining a villain?” snapped Tony. “The world might turn its back to me, but I will never...”

- “That's not what I mean so calm your tits.” you interrupted him “I and other have noticed the shift in the world. There are more and more villains on Earth, but the worse threats are coming from either space or other worlds. We are not prepared for when Thanos comes back. You also know he will be back. So, my accomplices and I have started our little Club for Earth Defence and we want you with us Tony.”

- “Excuse me?” blurted Tony

- “Yeah, I know. Not quite the arrangement I expected of my lifestyle, but here we are!” you chuckled as you sat back, petting him in the back. “You were there Tony, in space. You saw it firsthand and fought those aliens. We want your expertise on them and help. We all left our old life behind and faked our death so we can focus on that. Of course, we are not asking you to do the same. But if you join us, it would be better for you to stay away from the S.H.I.L.D. and the Avengers. You could go back solo!”

Of all the possibilities, never Tony had expected you to come up with all that. It made so much sense now why you were pissing off Natasha so much; you were trying to get shot! And there as been many suicides and accidents lately in the scientific community.

It has been under his nose all that time!

- “And if I accept, how do I contact you?” he asked

- “For now? With that number. I'm sure you will find a more practical way to do so” you said, giving him a card.

- “You’re serious? C.E.D?” you asked in disbelief

- “Told you we named ourselves Club for Earth Defence!” you laughed, jumping off the table. “ Hope you gave us a call soon, Tony. It was good seeing you again.”

Tony watched you walk toward the stairs, hands in your pockets.

- “It was good to see you too, Y/N.” he finally said before you took the stairs.

You gave him one last smile and left. In his chest, Tony felt his heart race. Joy, fear, confusion... There were so many feelings he felt at that second. But the best one was hope. Because he wasn't alone anymore. There were more people ready to do anything to protect their world and know it was coming.

Starting at the card, Tony scoffed. Yeah, once he had made the calls to leave the Avengers and the S.H.I.L.D. he would work on a better name for the club.

[cherry-holmes]

Glimpse of a life with Javier Peña (series)

Chapter 6

MAIN MASTERLIST

Summary: Talking about the past isn’t easy for everybody. But when you trust someone, it can be therapeutic and healing to the heart.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Previous chapter

Pairing: Javier Peña x Female Reader

Word count: +3.3k

Warnings: Angst & comfort❤️‍🩹 Mentions of parent loss and parent abandonment. Mentions of domestic violence. Brief making out scene. Mentions of virginity/first time sex.

A/N: Chapter 6 here we go. Honestly I never thought I’ll go this further🙃 glad I did tho. As always thank u so much for your support and your comments and likes and reblogs, means the world to me!

I’m taking requests, as always!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Javier Peña was usually always angry and stressed due to the nature of his demanding and complicated work. You were used to see him walking around the office with a frown on his handsome face, leaving the base hurry, his gun tucked on his back, ready for whatever danger the next raid had to offer. He was professional and he was seriously committed with his work and his duties, he was focused on the reason that brought him to Colombia and he was certainly determined to catch Escobar.

However, every time he entered the room where you were, his whole world just lighted up. And now that you had became officially his girlfriend, he was just in a good mood most of the time.

Three days ago, you had accepted him to be your beloved one, and a sense of contentment filled Javier's from that day, a sharp contrast to his typically high-stress life as a DEA agent in Colombia. He still carried the weight of his mission, but your presence made it more manageable. The love and companionship you offered were precious to him, and he cherished every moment you spent together.

Javier wasn't going to lie to himself; he was used to satisfying his sexual needs quite frequently. Given how much he loved and desired you, taking things slow with you might indeed be the most challenging thing he had ever done. However, he wasn't a hormonal teenager, he was a grown ass man, he could keep his dick in his man pants and he could take care of himself.

He hadn't mentioned the idea of going to his or your apartment again, as he was waiting for you to take that step. He didn't dare to ask you such a personal question, but he had also spent the last two nights wondering if you wanted to wait because you might still be a virgin. It was something he had never thought about before, as he genuinely didn't care whether you were or not. He was well aware that both men and women had the right to enjoy their sexuality freely and willingly, and that included you. When he asked you if Diego knew where you lived, and you confirmed it, his mind naturally jumped to the assumption that something might had happened.

Now he needed to know if you were a virgin, just to be aware of your needs and what you expected from him. He was willing to wait for you, he can be patient when it's worth the wait. You were worthy.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

At the end of the workday, while you were organizing the documents you had translated into their corresponding file cabinets and preparing to pack your belongings, Javier appeared in your office. He had a cigarette between his lips and was still dressed in his suit.

"Hey," he announced himself, causing you to turn around with a wide smile. You rushed into his open arms, wrapping yours around his neck and planting a kiss on his lips. "Does that mean you missed me?" he asked playfully.

"I don't know, what does this tell you?" You responded in a lower voice, leaning in again to place another sweet and gentle kiss on him. His hands encircled your waist, squeezing your soft flesh, and he deepened the kiss.

Javier and Steve had been invited to spend the entire day at the Colombian Embassy, attending countless meetings with the new American Ambassador for Colombia. You hadn't seen him all day until now. He hadn't even had time to pick you up from your apartment in the morning, so you had missed him dearly.

"Maybe I should make you miss me more often," he suggested as you broke the contact, his hands pulling you closer.

"Don't you dare," you playfully responded, smoothing his suit and adjusting his tie. "You look handsome, though" you added casually, but when you looked up at him again, you noticed a change in his eyes. They had darkened, and a devilish grin now adorned his face. His playful demeanor took a more seductive turn.

You couldn't deny the chemistry between you two. Every moment with Javier was electric, and your attraction to him was undeniable. His scent, a mix of cologne, cigarettes, and the faintest hint of danger, drew you in. Your heart raced as his lips found yours again in a passionate kiss, and the room seemed to close in around you as he pressed you against the desk, his hands firmly gripping your hips.

Reluctantly, you pushed Javier back slightly, your hands still resting on his strong chest.

"Javi, I..." you began, but he silenced you with another soft kiss.

"I know, bonita," he murmured, his voice still tinged with desire. "It's okay." He took a step back, but his eyes remained fixed on you as his hands moved to hold yours. "I was wondering if you'd like to grab your favorite arepas for takeout and then spend the night at my place."

You hesitated, your mind filled with memories of past experiences that had left you wary of such propositions. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea," you started, your concerns etched on your face.

Javier gave you the most irresistible puppy-dog eyes as he gently lifted your chin with a finger. "Bonita, it's just dinner and share my bed," he reassured. "I promise I won't do anything you don't want, unless you ask me to. Please, you don't even know my apartment yet."

His sincerity and the allure of spending more time with him won you over. A smile crept across your face as you gave a small nod. "Alright, Javi. But if you get any funny ideas, you'll have to answer to me."

Javier grinned, his eyes lighting up. "I promise, bonita. No funny business, unless you're up for it," he swore and winked at you.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The night sky was pouring rain as you followed Javier to his apartment. Luckily you had an umbrella, which you used to protect the both of you, holding onto his arm as you entered the building. However, your shoes were soaking, causing you to slipped as you tried to cross the hallway to his apartment.

After he found the key and opened the door, he stepped aside, gallantly allowing you to enter first. When he turned on the lights, you were welcomed by a bachelor apartment. The place smelled just like him: a mix of male cologne, cigarettes, whiskey, and a subtle woody undertone.

Javier's apartment had a rugged yet inviting feel to it. The living area was adorned with masculine touches and minimalist decoration. The kitchen appeared almost untouched, leather couches provided ample seating, and a center table with an ashtray took center stage. By the window, there was a small bar table, which gave you a hint that this was indeed a bachelor pad. There where photos nowhere to be seen.

Javier and you took off your shoes and then he gestured toward the living area with a smile. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll go grab our arepas. Anything to drink?" He seemed genuinely excited to have you in his space, his earlier promise of not pushing things evident in his demeanor.

"Will you have coffee by any chance?" you asked, and he nodded.

"Sure, darling," he said as he placed the plastic bag on the table and began setting up an improvised coffee maker on the stove burner. You offered to help, but he insisted you make yourself comfortable on his couch.

A couple of minutes later, he returned to you with a plate of arepas and two mugs of hot coffee. Your shared love for coffee was one of those quirky things that made your connection special. Neither of you was deterred by caffeine late in the evening; it seemed to have no impact on your or Javi's sleep.

"So," you began, sipping your coffee, "how was your day?"

Javi shook his head as he took a bite of an arepa. "Terrible," he muttered when he swallowed the food, "there were so many people. You know, the suit-and-tie assholes who act like catching Escobar is as simple as catching a fuckin' cat."

Javi's expression grew more animated as he spoke. "I swear, they sit in those conference rooms, drinking their fancy coffees, and spouting off about how they'd handle it differently, like it's a damn board game. It's frustrating, dealing with people who have no idea what it's like on the ground."

You nodded, understanding the frustration. "It's easy to have opinions when you're not the one out there, facing the danger."

He smiled, appreciating your understanding.

As you gazed at Javier, your admiration for him deepened. His dedication to his work, the pursuit of justice, and the fight against the drug cartels was nothing short of heroic in your eyes.

You marveled at his unwavering commitment to making the world a better place, even in the face of danger and uncertainty. He was a symbol of bravery and hard work, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of pride to have him in your life.

His strength, both physically and emotionally, resonated with you. You couldn't imagine the weight of the responsibilities he carried as a DEA agent.

"Your parents must be so proud of you," you said, as you felt a pang of jealousy. You wished you had that kind of affection.

However, you noticed how his eyes suddenly saddened as he bit slowly into his food and looked at you as if he were deciding whether or not to tell you something related to your mention of his family. You and Javier had talked about a lot of things through the time you had known each other, but family hadn't been part of the conversation yet. Both of you had a dark side to that soft spot.

"I hope so," he said finally, "I had to leave my father alone at his ranch back in Laredo, my mother passed away when I was fifteen," he explained. "I can only hope that everything is worth it."

You felt regretful for mentioning his family as soon as you heard him. You could see the pain in his features, memories returning to his mind.

"Oh, Javi, I'm so sorry," you said, suddenly losing your appetite. "I had no idea..."

"Don't worry, bonita," he assured you, softening his eyes, taking your hand to plant a kiss on it. You wouldn't push him to tell you something he wasn't ready to share with you.

However, Javier leaned back on the leather couch, his eyes distant for a moment.

"My father inherited the family business his grandfather started," he began, lighting a cigarette, "he runs a cattle ranch. He was a strict but loving father." He let smoke escape from his mouth, the movement accentuating his sharp jaw. "My mother, she was the real heart of the family, always caring for everyone. There was just the three of us on a big and prosperous ranch. They gave me a beautiful childhood. I learned from them the value of hard work."

A lightning bolt struck in the distance as he continued to open his heart, and the room filled with the smoke from his cigarette. "That was until she was diagnosed with cancer, and she didn't make it within the next six months. Her loss was so sudden, unexpected. It was a tough time, and after she was gone, things changed. I had to grow up fast and take on more responsibilities."

You listened intently, your heart going out to him as he shared a part of his life that he had kept hidden.

"I've always had a good relationship with my father," he admitted, a hint of guilt in his voice. "I felt torn leaving the ranch, but my father encouraged me to pursue my career, just as my mother would have wanted. We talk on the phone regularly; he's the one who keeps me grounded."

You nodded, understanding that the ranch was more than just a place for Javier; it was a part of his identity and a connection to his family. The ache of missing his mother and the responsibilities he had shouldered at a young age had shaped him into the man you knew today, strong and compassionate.

There was a moment of silence, announcing the end of his anecdote. Having shared a significant part of his own family story, he wanted to know more about you. "What about your family, bonita?" he inquired, looking into your eyes with genuine interest. "If you're comfortable, I'd like to hear about them."

You hesitated for a moment, debating whether to open up about your own family experiences. Eventually, you decided it was the right moment to share a piece of your own past.

"Well, I have two lovely older sisters, Sara and Silvia" you began, your voice slightly trembled, "but my relationship with my parents was complicated. We were the ideal picture of a perfect, happy family only when we were in front of others.'' Your voice quivered as you continued, and Javier sat closer, his presence a source of comfort, but he maintained a respectful silence as you shared your past.

"The truth was that my father was a violent, drunk man, and my mother was a strict and very religious woman," you explained, your eyes reflecting the pain of those memories. "She always hoped that our faith would save us from our struggles, but it wasn't that simple."

"As for my father, he left us when I was ten," you continued, your fingers toying with a strand of your hair. "But my relationship with my mother remained strained. She blamed me and my sisters for our father's abandonment. The pressure of her faith and our family's problems made things more difficult."

Javier's gaze remained fixed on you, his brown eyes filled with empathy. "Mi abuelo, my mother's father, was also very religious," you continued, a touch of warmth in your voice as you remembered your grandfather. "But he was so kind and cared so much for his only granddaughters after a family full of boys. He took care of us, and despite my mother's refusal to allow us to study, he paid for the three of us to go to university."

His hand reached out to gently touch yours, offering silent support.

"He and my sisters encouraged me to leave home and follow my dreams, although my mother still doesn't speak to me. She thinks I'm a whore and a stray for having left home 'without getting married,'" you explained. You got lost in the memories of your parents' fights and how you used to hide in the closet with Sara as Silvia played loud music in your shared room to shield her younger sisters from the screams and blows. ''I heard my father remarried and has two sons, but I can't be sure, he never came back to look for us.''

Javier listened to your story with understanding. He could see the pain in your eyes, and it made him want to protect you from the world. You had both shared your deepest scars, and the connection between you had deepened.

After a brief moment of silence, he gently whispered, "Thank you for sharing that with me, bonita."

"You too, Javi. I'm glad that you trust me," you said, leaning in to place a kiss on his soft lips. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a while, the rain outside providing a soothing backdrop to your intimate conversation.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You weren't sure how things began to heat up. It began with innocent caresses, leading to deeper kisses, and then you found yourself reclined on the length of his couch, his body almost over you, kissing your neck as his hands squeezed your thigh.

Javier was waiting for you to stop him. He would stop immediately if you just pushed him back or said "no." He was waiting for you to take the next step or to put an end to it. And when you didn't, he simply decided to go further and see what would happen.

One of his hands reached to cup one of your breast over the fabric of your dress. You moan in the middle of a kiss as he massaged your soft flesh gentle but confident. Then, he workshiped your body along your waist and hips, until he reached the hem of your dress, lifting it just enough to travel on the soft skin of your bare inner thighs. You whimpered in his ear, causing a shiver to run down his back.

But as soon as you felt his broad hand cupping your core, you gasped and gentle pushed him back.

"Wait," you pleaded as you tried to sit up straight again, catching your breath. He gave you space, pulling back. "Javi, I can't..." you said, trying to find the right words. You noticed how he tried to cover the bulge in his pants with a knitted blanket as if it was nothing. But you knew it was something. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... you know, I..."

"No, I am sorry," he said, his voice doing its best to sound composed. "I promised you there wouldn't be any funny business. I just let myself carried away."

"It's not that I don't want to be with you," you began to explain, "I do, Javi, but I don't feel I'm ready in this moment... I've never been with anyone before, it's just complicated..."

Javier's expression shifted from intense to soft and understanding. "First of all, you don't have to explain anything to me. Secondly, thank you for trusting me enough to share that with me. I don't want you to feel pressured in any way, mi vida. I respect your choices."

You met his eyes, relieved by his response. "I appreciate that, Javi. I've just had some complicated experiences in the past, and I wanted my first time to be with someone special, someone I really care about." Your hand reached for his cheek, brushing a thumb on his growing facial hair. "I care about you and I want to be with you eventually, I just need a little more time," you assured.

A tender smile spread across Javier's face, and he leaned in to place a gentle kiss on your forehead. "I'm honored that you've shared this with me. I promise to be patient and to take things at your pace," he murmured, showing his understanding and support.

"Javi," you said, cheeks burning red, as you noticed he was having a tough time trying to conceal his desires. "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

Javier chuckled softly, clearly appreciating the humor in the situation. "Yeah, maybe I should," he replied with a lighthearted grin. "I'll be back in a minute. Don't go anywhere."

You flushed. "Don't worry, I'm not planning an escape."

He disappeared into what looked like his bedroom, and you couldn't help but giggle to yourself. The situation had shifted, but it was comforting to know that Javier respected your boundaries and was willing to take things at a pace that made you comfortable.

A moment later, Javi returned with his hair wet and dressed in sleeping pants and a t-shirt. You realized that you had never seen him like this before: so homely, relaxed, vulnerable, simple.

You couldn't help but smile at the contrast between the fierce DEA agent you knew and the cozy, relaxed man he was right now.  You were used to seeing him in his usual shirts, jeans, and boots for raids, or suits and business shoes for meetings. The man in front of you looked like he had never used a firearm before, like he had never chased a drug dealer. He looked just like an ordinary early-middle-aged man.

As Javier settled down next to you on the couch, he let out a contented sigh. "This feels good," he admitted, looking around his own apartment as if he was appreciating it in a new light.You nodded in agreement, appreciating this intimate moment of vulnerability. It was a side of him you cherished, and it only made you feel closer to him.With a sense of peace, you snuggled up beside Javier on the couch, and you both enjoyed the simple comfort of being together in his cozy apartment, where for a while, the challenges of your lives were left behind.

NEXT CHAPTER

[sorryseraphim]

needed release

I'm just a girl, I need Enver Gortash to eat up my dark Urge, Helene after they asked everybody out of the office.

Read below:

(Also in AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55459897)

"If you just had, the slightest idea how to listen, and not just hear, we wouldn't be dealing with this concern right now!"

No one moved. No one even dared look at Helene's gaze as she looked over plans derailed by an inconvenience made by both her and Enver's people. It was one simple task: deliver a letter to Moonrise for Ketheric Thorm regarding their plan to snatch the Grand Duke, Ulder Ravengard.

Their plans were almost compromised, the stupidity of the persons tasked to deliver manifested during the journey to the gloomy fields of the Shadow Cursed Lands. They almost revealed themselves to a few passing fighters in green and brown. If it weren't for Helene's intuition that misfortune would strike and order a few more people to trail those who are tasked to go ahead, they'd experience unimaginable setbacks.

"You will not lay a finger on them," Enver grumbled, sitting opposite her by the table. He was trying to keep his composure in check, but he was also stressed. Rubbing his left temple as he listened to her outburst, her words getting louder and shrilly as she went on.

"I am a sorcerer, Gortash. I don't need to use my bare hands!"

"Everybody, out!" He finally shouted, his patience wavered, standing up from his seat.

Several nervous glances occurred around the room as Enver's order sank in. When nobody moved, Helene let out another roar.

"Whoever is still in this room after a minute would lose their head!"

In a flash, everyone shuffled out of the small dwelling they were gathered in. Enver walked up to her with long strides, his voice hushed with a hint of anger.

"Are you out of your mind?! Displaying your outburst like some kind of an ungrateful child?"

"Would you rather just have me kill them immediately, without question, without a word?" She fired back, fingers flexing on her side, a clear indication that her anger was at full throttle.

He hissed softly to his side before looking back at her with dark eyes. He rested his hands on her shoulders as he tried to push her down the table, towering over her. "Sit down on the table and relax. Let's talk."

"Let me think, Enver," Helene said, her hand on her right cheek, pinching herself hard enough to leave a reddish mark.

"I said sit down," he insisted, pushing her by the edge of the long table on which various reports and letters were sprawled out. His tone was striking, commanding in a sense that he would not take no for an answer.

She swatted his hand away, shushing him. "What the fuck are you doing? I said let me think!"

"Relax, Helene. I'll take care of it. Let me take care of you," Enver's tone suddenly switched into a whisper. He held her chin in one hand while the other traveled to her size, squeezing her curves gently. It immediately escalated to harsh grabs as it traveled down the dip between her legs, making Helene gasp in response, which Enver had immediately captured using his mouth.

Their lips meet violently, hungry for each other's warmth despite the pressing challenge they have yet to deal with. Just as Helene was deep in the kiss, his hand found its way in from the slits of her skirt, snaking its way between her legs. Enver let out a groan, voice hitching and amused at how wet she already was.

"Let me taste you, Helene... Gods, I want every bit of you for myself," Enver murmured in her mouth before he broke away, pulling a chair in front of her and sitting down. Without missing a beat, he slowly lifted the hem of her dress from her ankles, caressing her legs and kissing her bare knees up to her thighs. His lips touched her skin slowly and full of tenderness as he kept an eye on any signs of aggression she might pose in return for the gesture.

Her body began to melt in his touch, succumbing to the gentleness of his lips. Her nostrils stop flaring, yet her face is still red from anger. Slowly, her breathing shallowed, face softening as she looked down on him as he leisurely trailed his tongue up her thighs towards her tenderness.

She could feel his breath, heavy and feverish, against her skin as he neared her entrance. As if on cue, Helene lifted her entire skirt up to her waist as he started to part her legs, wide enough to push his face in and pleasure her.

He raised her leg up his shoulders to reveal her cunt, which was starting to get soaked as Enver rubbed her legs, his palms rough against her own soft body, the feeling of his hands making her shiver.

"Make it quick..." She breathed heavily, biting her lip as his lips brushed against her folds, her body tingling for the pleasure to come.

"I'll take care of everything; let me just take care of you right now,"

When his tongue made contact with her cunt, it was as if her burden was washed away. The weight of the world lifted from her shoulders as Enver devoured her, savoring every bit she gave him, her soft moans and sighs of bliss.

He pushed the tip of his tongue deeper between her folds, greedily tasting her wetness, as he grabbed her tightly by the waist. He could feel her softly squirming, legs trembling as he increased his pace. Enver could hear the slight hitching on her voice and her attempts to repress her moans as it started to get louder, enough for the whole room to hear.

Helene watched as he lifted his head for a bit, resting a hand on top of her womb as his thumb rubbed her clit, looking up at her as he lapped her entrance. It took everything in her not to whine desperately as another gush of her need rushed out. Helene let out a soft groan as she watched him look up, grinning from between her legs, half of his face drenched in her wetness.

She gripped the edge of the table hard when he went down again, this time desperate and with urgency. "Gods above... Enver, you're driving me mad..."

"Are you close?" He whispered between the act, sucking and lapping her juices as he picked up the pace.

She looked down at him, nodding quickly as she suddenly gripped his hair, tugging it desperately as she neared orgasm.

"Anything for you, my dearest," Enver whispered finally as he began rubbing her clit with haste as his tongue traveled the entire length of her folds.

She could feel it coming, about to burst and wash her body with ecstasy when they heard a knock on the door, followed by a soft rustling of the door knob.

In an instant, Enver stood up, hands off her body as Helene followed and straightened her stance, making sure her skirt was not bundled up her waist.

He took a few steps away from her, turning around momentarily to wipe his face off Helene's wetness as she shouted towards the door. "I did not ask anyone to come back yet!"

"But Priestess, we received word just now. Lady Orin has delivered urgent news."

"For fuck's sake..." She whispered, sighing, "Come in, and let us hear it,"

As their subordinates started to pour in, Enver noticed how her hands twitched on her side, making him smirk. She was subtlety displaying her frustration, an itch to murder someone who dared interrupt them just before she was about to reach orgasm.

He moved around the room, back to where she stood, and whispered, pointing out her fidgety hands to murder, to keep her cool and let patience take over as they discussed news brought by her blood kin.

"I am well," She hushed in return, "But whoever that is that interrupted us would lose their tongue in the morning. I'll take care of it."

[autisticprentiss]

Sleepover

Emily Prentiss X reader.

You and Emily start cuddling to help each other sleep on away cases. It's probably not the best idea when you're both hiding feelings for the other.

Part 1/?

Not edited, and posted from mobile :/

/ Wednesday 7th, 11:55 pm. Seattle. /

You stand with the team watching Hotch talk with the motel receptionist. You can tell from the way she doesn't quite meet Hotch's eyes that you're not getting as many rooms as he's asking for. 

You've been with the BAU for 6 months now and have managed to avoid sharing a room on non-local cases up until now. 

Hotch takes the offered keycards from the receptionist, and heads back over to the team. 

"We got two shared rooms, any volunteers?" He says. 

You shrug, "I'll share," it's 5 to midnight and you know you won't be spending that much time at the hotel while you're on the case anyway, so you may as well try and get into a bed quickly. 

Emily nods, "I'll room with Agent Y/N." 

Hotch hands you each a key marked for room 305 and waits for anyone else to volunteer. 

After a moment of silence, Hotch sighs, "Okay, Morgan and Reid; you're sharing too. Everybody get some rest, we'll meet back here at 8am."

You see Rossi and JJ both silently cheer and thank Hotch as they grab their keycards and run off like they're worried Hotch will change his mind. 

Emily laughs as Morgan grumbles under his breath as he takes the other matching keycards from Hotch. 

"Please, no podcasts tonight." He begs Reid and they walk off towards the elevator with Hotch. 

It's just you and Emily left in the small reception area, you quickly look at her then dart your eyes to the stairwell, already starting to move when you challenge her, "Race you?" 

You don't stick around to hear her reply, but you can hear her footsteps right behind you as you race up the stairwell. 

You're at the door first, but the lock refuses to accept your card and Emily smirks as she unlocks the door on the first try. 

"I guess we'll call it a tie?" She suggests, laughing as she drops her go-bag on the bed closest to the window. 

You both go about your routines, getting ready for bed silently and whisper your "Goodnights" into the darkness. 

/ Thursday 8th, 1:30am /

You turn again, bury your head in the pillow and try not to scream. 

You've been trying to fall asleep for over an hour now, and everytime you feel you might be close you jolt awake. 

"Trouble sleeping?" Emily asks.

You mumble, "I'm used to a weighted blanket at home, just need to adjust."

You can hear her shuffle about in her bed, before she speaks, "Come over here. Bring your bedding, I'm the big spoon." Emily's voice has a finality to it, and you know she'll just insist if you argue so you sigh and throw your pillow at her, dragging your blanket behind you. 

She pulls you to lay next to her, covering you both with the blankets and shifting until she's comfortably pressed against your back. 

"Sleep now," She says, throwing her arm around your stomach. 

After barely 10 minutes you feel her breathing even out on the back of your neck, and you relax fully against her and fall asleep. 

/ 6:40am /

You wake up slowly, warm, minutes before your alarms due to sound off. You and Emily must have both moved around in your sleep, instead of spooning you, she's now on her back with you cuddling her side like a baby koala. You have one leg thrown over her hips and your head is buried in the crook of her neck, you wish you weren't just cuddling as friends or co-workers, you want to wake up with the casual intimacy of nosing along her jawbone, trailing kisses along her skin until she stirs. 

Instead, you gently nudge her shoulder, sneak in a quick boop to her nose, "Em, you might wanna wake up soon." 

She mumbles something, you're not sure it's English, and pulls herself up to rest on her elbows. 

"I think I know what 'well rested' means now, that's the best I've ever slept." Emily sounds surprised, and you hum.

"Maybe we should cuddle more often," you joke. 

"I might take you up on that, seriously I don't even think I need coffee this morning."

"That's a shame, I was going to shout you for getting me to sleep last night."

"I said I don't need coffee, not that I didn't want it." She pouts, you pull yourself away and out of bed to where your go-bag ended up and fish your wallet out, throw it towards Emily's bed.

"3 sugars with milk please? I'm gonna grab a quick shower." 

You shower quickly, just finishing up when you hear Emily come back in the room. You dry and dress quickly, heading back into the main room. 

Emily hands you a coffee cup and small brown paper bag, "I brought you a crossant too."

You thank her and both of you sit at the small coffee table, flicking through the case file and sharing some thoughts while you eat. 

At 7:30 Emily crumples her cardboard coffee cup and sighs, "I'll shower and we'll head down to the lobby." 

"Sounds good," you nod. 

/ 8am / 

Emily and yourself are the first to reach the lobby, with Morgan and Reid close behind, playfully arguing with each other as they exit the elevator. 

"How and why do you two look so awake and alert?" Morgan asks. 

You laugh, "We didn't room with Reid," and Emily makes a mock snoring sound. 

You, Morgan and Emily all laugh while Spencer glares. Hotch, Rossi and JJ exit the elevator together and everyone stands up a little straighter, ready to receive your assignments and head down to the precinct. 

Hotch clears his throat, "Reid and Y/L/N you'll head to the precinct and meet with Detective Babineaux, he'll show you where we can set up a workspace. Prentiss and Rossi, go down to the mourge and see M.E Chakrabarti and the two victims' bodies. JJ, Morgan,  you're with me, we're speaking to the victims' families." 

Everyone nods along as he speaks, and you break off into your groups. Since the Medical Examiner's office is part of the precinct, you, Reid, Rossi and Emily share an SUV.

All thoughts of sharing a bed with Emily again are gone from your mind as you focus entirely on the cases, reading over Reid's notes while Emily drives.

/ 

[youremyheaven]

Hello, I’ve got a question, if you don’t mind me asking. Are karmic relationships always challenging and end up with pain? Or can they be positive/good/less harsh (idk how to phrase it 😅) too? From what you’ve seen/know. Could you give an example of a karmic relationship, please? Like from when it started and how it evolved and then ended? Thank you in advance if you decide to respond 🫰 Have a good day!

Karmic relationships are by definition challenging in nature, yes. The other person is meant to teach you lessons. These need not necessarily be romantic. You can have karmic relationships with anybody (and not just a romantic partner). I feel like every relationship has its ups and downs so karmic relationships are no different, it's not like you're in agony the entire time lol, it's just that there's a heaviness to the bond and you know that who you are now is different from who you were before you met that person.

I've had some brutal karmic friendships. All of them had their pleasant moments but the karmic remnants were 🥲😤

I've also had karmic relationships and other karmic situations (?) I'm currently in my Saturn dasha so 🤧karma is just a big theme in my life lol

With my ex friend, we became friends very spontaneously and I kind of immediately got the ick from her and knew that we couldn't remain friends? She was insecure, jealous and very patronizing? Also very judgemental? I just hated her vibes from the get go

But we were karmically tied. No matter how hard I tried to cut her out, avoid her, ignore her, circumstances pushed us closer together and I had no choice but to try my best to be friends with her. It was a daily test of my tolerance and patience and I felt like I was walking on eggshells the entire time. She's the most toxic, vile, narcissistic person I have ever come across and she genuinely thrives off of other's misery. What they say about people who hate themselves hating others was so true in her case. I hated having to talk to her but I felt obligated to because she always acted like a kicked puppy if I ignored her for too long. She kept me isolated from everybody else and virtually put me in a position where I couldn't interact freely with others in her presence because she hated everybody and thought I was a "people pleaser" for wanting to talk to others lol (I probably did seem desperate for outside human contact 😭). She used every opportunity to insult me, drag me down, ruin my self esteem because she thought she was ugly and projected that on to me. One time I was looking into the mirror and feeling myself 😌and she said that "yk what's special about this mirror? it has a slimming effect and makes people look 10kgs lighter than they are" as if trying to imply that the only reason I looked good was because of the mirror??lol?? If boys checked me out, asked me out, complimented me, gave me attention etc she'd tell she felt bad for me because of how these boys thought I was "easy" and that it sucks how I'm perceived as a "slut" (random person: you're sooo pretty, my friend: such a shame that he thinks you're a whore 😔) she told me I did yoga because without it I'd be emotionally disturbed 🤧and I had to endure all this nonsense because I couldn't cut her out, I was stuck/trapped in a deeply abusive friendship. Finally, I decided I've had enough and I'll deal with the consequences of ending this friendship no matter how bad it gets and decided to end things. I think my karmic lesson was one in understanding that it's unwise to choose temporary comfort over long term suffering/harm. And that you have to be brave enough to walk into the unknown even when you feel like you have no idea what you're doing or how you'll survive. Don't continue to stay in toxic situations simply because that's all you've known. It can be hard to picture a different kind of future when all you've been exposed to is darkness and abuse but you have to have the strength to risk it, to believe that, even if you're alone, it's better than staying in a connection where you endure daily humiliation. Once I found that strength within myself and could walk away (we were friends for 3 years) everything around me started collapsing actually. Terrible things went down around me and it was the worst time in my life but it was like the air was being cleared for better things?? And life improved a lot after that. I couldn't fully be myself with her, I felt very restricted and the minute I left, it's like I could breathe again. The journey of this karmic relationship was a lesson in dependency and how it's genuinely better to be alone than it is to depend on someone awful. My friend had many good qualities and she genuinely took care of me in many ways but all of that came at a heavy price. I had to be willing to let go of the comfort and ease she provided me with and risk being on my own instead of wallowing in negativity and enduring disrespect. Everybody always says "you should just leave, you should just walk away" but if you've ever been in an abusive relationship, you know how hard it is and how it truly affects your psyche and worldview and the kind of strength it requires to walk away.

Obviously not all karmic relationships are going to be like this. And the lessons of each bond will be different but by and large, karmic relationships are connections that are inevitable. You were just sort of bound to each other, and even if you tried to walk away or leave, you end up going back because you have to reach a certain kind of growth to be able to evolve out of these karmic connections. Karmic connections are not supposed to last a lifetime (some do though because the karma is heavy, a lot of parent-child relationships and familial relationships are like this). They are meant to teach you things the hard way essentially.

[goingsparebutwithprecision]

Fic writer interview

Thanking @sinni-ok-sessi for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3? 13

What's your total AO3 word count? 50455 - holy shit, a whole nanowrimo!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sleeping Arrangements (Good Omens) Habitual (Good Omens) Project New Hope (MCU) Passing the Time (Star Trek:DS9) With Friends Like These (Star Wars, The Mandalorian)

I think I kind of already knew about the top 3, but I would not have called the last two. Nice to see With Friends LIke These doing well, that was so much fun to write but I never felt like it found its audience, y'know

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Mostly not, alas - it feels very awkward to just repeatedly say Thanks <3, however genuinely and enthusiastically I would mean that! I want emoji reacts to AO3 comments, that's about the level I'm at. That being said, I'll try to make the effort if someone's written me an essay, because it's so cool to get that and I've had some really fun conversations that way

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I don't really do angsty endings. I've been known to write angsty fic, but I'm usually ending on an upswing...Story-Wise is probably the closest, being as how it's heavily implied that everybody involved is dead, and also Bilbo walks away at the end, but even that to me is more bittersweet than angsty.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? Not Story-Wise, and probably not Lethe. But with the rest I don't know that there's much between them. The ship ones tend to end with a get-together, the dealing-with-shit ones tend to end on a found family gathering, and the funny ones end on punchlines; they're all happy but no stand-outs, if that makes sense.

Do you write crossovers? Write? Sure. Plan out intricately and in great detail? Absolutely. Finish? Never in my life. I tend to have the idea for a lot of crossovers too, but very few of those ever get started. Off the top of my head, the current list includes a Star Trek AOS/Disney's Atlantis fusion, thousands of words of BBC Merlin is happening in Starfleet now, a few incoherent sentences of post-Burial Mounds Wei Wuxian having absorbed all of its ghosts a la Matthew Swift of Blue Electric Angels fame, three scenes of Person of Interest and Castle, several pages of Phryne Fisher and Diana Prince are besties - ohhhhh, and my beloved "Oh Good, My Sith Found the Chainsaw" Star Wars/Lilo and Stitch nonsense, which is the only one of these I have any intention of finishing.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not as far as I remember. The closes I ever got was someone commenting on Project New Hope in a very "trying to start a fight about MCU Civil War" way, but claiming they agreed with my opinion on it despite MCU Civil War very much not happening in that universe. Very odd.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Not really? The closest I've gotten in anything published is the blowjob letter in And With It My Constant Mind, which is more of an extended sext, and the ending of Untitled #3...the theme seems to be Cyrano De Bergerac and blowjobs, so make of that what you will.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know

Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Involves too much unfortunate-ordeal-of-being-known, I'm afraid. I'm in awe of people who do this though, the process mystifies me.

What’s your all-time favorite ship? I am invoking my god-given bisexual right not to choose. I cannot do it. Simply impossible. Cyrano/Christian/Roxane of Cyrano de Bergerac fame is probably a front-runner though.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Lin Chen's Hanahaki Research Project - I was having a lot of fun with character voices and style, and it was challenging me as a writer in interesting ways, but I think it needs more research and investment and full Nirvana in Fire rewatches than I'm ever going to commit to.

What are your writing strengths? Comedy, yearning, and sentences that sound good when you read them aloud.

What are your writing weaknesses? Actually finishing things and comedy (I contain multitudes)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Absolutely do not have the confidence to do that, thank you and good night.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? By published work, the MCU, unpublished I was not immune to Supernatural

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? Was not expecting this to be the trickiest one to answer, what the heck. Ummm. Idk. I get more enthused by specific ideas than by specific fandoms, I think - if I actively want to write for something it's because I've been Seized By An Idea(TM), Taken Hostage By An Idea, Had My Whole Brain Rewritten To Think Constantly About This Idea, rather than like abstractly, huh, it would be fun to write something for X

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? I-love-all-of-my-children-equally.gif. No, that's a cop-out. Um. Usually I think whatever I've written most recently gets the most affection, so With Friends Like These is bang at the top. And With It My Constant Mind I suspect is going to have the most longevity at the top of my list, I was living with that one for years and I'm really really proud of how it turned out.

Right, no pressure tagging @starkey @missfangirll @july-19th-club @ereborne and any other writerly folks lurking out there who are interested :D

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Quiet Refection

I admit it... I might have had a brilliant yet still bad idea. It's the first really nice day of spring, there's a nice little cluster of wild apple trees in bloom... why not have a picnic date with my Doctor? Aside from the three to four weeks of Extreme Keter Duty for sneaking an Euclid class out of the facility, even if no one is within kilometers of our spot. Oh, and the obligatory "I'm not angry, Agent Rabbit, I'm disappointed" speech from Dr. Gears. Okay, two big cons there. Yet... I'm doing it. I just hope to 343 we're not busted.

I'm taking a much needed break from the site, just walking aimlessly on the old road from the gates. I'm just looking to get some fresh air, not really headed anywhere. There's a familiar scent I must have been following, I'm smack in the middle of a cluster of wild apples, just starting to bloom. And... I'm getting an idea sure to cause trouble if it fails: sneak my darling out for a quiet little picnic under the spreading blossoms. Neither of us are truly fussy, so standard picnic fare will do... I've got this huge fleece blanket we can use, and his bag can hold anything... yep. I think I have my plan in place. Just need to bribe a few guards along the way.

I head back, despite everybody seeming to know each other I'm somehow unbothered. I reach my apartment, pack some stuff in a basket, throw the blanket on top, and head to my darling's quarters.

"Angeline! Hello, chere." He embraces me. Then, sees the basket. "What's this?"

"Darling... we had a lunch date, as I recall. But... I think I found a more agreeable locale, provided you don't mind a bit of... unconventional travel arrangements." I explain the plan.

"Hmm. Of all the items in my trusty doctor's bag, I somehow never thought to put myself in there with them. It might work. Provided you can explain why you are carrying my bag."

"Well... I do indeed have a doctorate. Admittedly, store-bought from Unseen University, but it is in Inadvisably Applied Magic, minor in Technomancy. I admit it, I'm a geek." He chuckles at me.

"You're my dearest. I love you regardless. Now... let us see if this plan works. Do not tell Dyo."

"Him? No way. Not putting up with the second most troublesome third wheel in history. Dr. Bright still holds the top spot, but Dyo would just try harder." He goes in the bag.

"Huh. It's much bigger in here than I suspected. Pass me the basket, my angel." I hand over the basket, close the bag just enough to keep everything secure, and... off we go. No one says anything. I love this place sometimes, we get so used to really weird shit, no one bats an eye if you're suddenly carrying a totally different item than the last time they saw you.

We reach our destination, and I help my Doctor out. He whistles.

"Oh my. I do indeed think this is a perfect spot." We pull everything out, and start the date. A few hours pass, and it's time to go back. Before we do, my Doctor tucks a cluster of apple blossoms behind my ear.

"I must admit, this was the most delightful surprise. That being said... we should try not to do this too much. People gossip."

"Sadly, I must agree, my love." We pack up, he steps back into his bag, and I start the walk back. I wish we didn't have to sneak out like this, but with his... condition, accidental contact could be a real nightmare. Plus, if we get caught... there goes my job and his freedom, the little he has. I have a love hate relationship with my job... I love the people, the challenge, and the wonder, but I really hate some of our practices. I can see why in this case they prefer not to let my Doctor leave, but it's not fair that they never get to breathe unrecycled air ever again. Too bad it's not safe, pretty sure a lot of our more human residents could do with sunlight and fresh air.

I make it back unnoticed, and return my darling to his quarters. A quick kiss, then... back to my job. I head into my office, only to be greeted by Dr. Gears.

"Rabbit, there you are. Clef has been asking for you. Something about his precious bloody shotguns, I can't be bothered to ask." A quick once over from the Big Boss. "Why are there apple petals in your hair?"

"Didn't want to have lunch indoors, sat under an apple tree. He probably fell victim to another Bright idea, I'll sort it out."

"See that you do."

[skyfallslayer]

What Is... L-O-V-E ?

Request: For bells313131: Could you maybe write something where peggy after a mission in the agent carter time line takes in or agrees to take care of a teen (15,16) assassin they found and they develop a cute mother/daughter relationship even though peggy has almost no idea how to take care of a kid ? :) it’s totally fine if you can’t.

_____________________________________________________________

Summary: Peggy thought starting SHIELD and being Captain Carter was already hard enough, but throwing on a teenage assassin was going to make her life a little bit harder. Especially when the child has been unloved for so long.

Rating: T for Teen

Parings: Peggy/Captain Carter x Teen!Reader; Past!Steggy

Date: 12/2/21

Warnings: References/implied child abuse; Scenes that may reference to a breakdown; Guilt; Sorrow; Angst; Fluff.

(There's also hints of Winter Soldier!Steve)

Author's Note: @bells313131 , Hopefully you like it! I never written for Peggy before so this was a bit of a challenge. And sorry this is also too so long. But enjoy!

(I don't own anything except for the story plot!)

Main Masterlist

_____________________________________________________________

“Y/N!”

Her voice broke through the high powered winds of the upcoming winter. The speckles of snow were swirling around her, getting into her walnut hair that she forgot to cover with a wool cap. She even forgot to grab a coat off the rack before she raced out into the night. Luckily the serum that was running through her veins was keeping her warm (but even she didn’t know how long that’ll last).

“Y/N! Where are you?!” She called out again, squinting on the dimly lit sidewalk.

Why did this child have to run out in this condition? She wonders, and continues pushing herself, listening closely for anything.

Taking in a child was going to be a challenge, and she knew that, But she honestly didn’t expect all this. The rebelling, the backlash, the constant feeling of always being on her toes and right at the edge. If this was what women called “Motherhood” then she has to give them one giant pat on the back because she’s having some trouble. I mean…

A child.

Well, A teenager exactly. Fifteen years old Y/N was causing gray hairs already (And poor Peggy wasn’t even in her 30s yet). Peggy Carter,

Yes, that Carter,

The first Super Soldier/Superhero, the first female Captain, and one of the founders of SHIELD was fighting the hardest battle she’s ever faced.

Motherhood.

And the poor woman kept thinking, was it really all worth it?

It started out as a simple mission, her and the remaining Howling Commandos from her wartime infiltrated a base where an enemy uprising was happening. However, upon arrival, everybody had fled.

Except one.

Tuck away in one of the labs, Peggy found a young girl left behind. Nowhere to go but into the custody of the Military. Yet, seeing a broken and distraught girl with no living family was enough to tug on her heartstrings. So she brought her home, adopted Y/N, despite everyone's warnings and fears not too, thinking it would be like a walk in a park.

Or how VERY wrong she was.

But was it worth it? All the bickering, fighting like they were pulling skin and teeth? Was this one long month of non stop anger from the teenager really worth her time?

Peggy shakes her head. Of course it is! That girl needs me whether she likes it or not.

“Y/N!!!” She yells again, hoping she’ll get an answer soon. The serum in her bloodstream was starting to fail her for warmth. “Where are you?!”

She comes up to another sidewalk, one running along a waterway that cuts across the city. It was starting to grow colder and ice started to make a very thin layer across it, with a blanket of snow dusting the top. It sparkled in the moonlight, a sight to see and a picture worthy snap for an artist. It was also quite romantic if you look at it in a certain way, as she lets her mind wander to a certain blond boy before she slapped herself back into reality.

Y/N first! Get your head out of the clouds, Carter! She scolds herself.

“Y/N!!! Come on! Where-” She trails off, stopping in place.

And there was the young lady she claimed as her daughter, standing below a street lamp and dozing off at the waterway below. She was stuck in a trance that Peggy has seen so many times beforehand, it was a little scary/concerning. She could see the brokenness in those (Y/E/C) eyes.

Peggy takes a deep breath, inching closer in a cautious manner.

But she should have known that stepping in the light layer of snow would cause anyone to catch the crunching noises.

The brunette tenses at the way the teenager quickly turned around and flicked out a knife for defense, stopping Peggy in her tracks. The knife glistened in the light, as your hardened face softened only a smidge upon seeing your adopted mother.

“Oh. Hey, Peggy.” You said, lowering your choice of weapon.

“Is that… Is that my kitchen knife?!” Peggy asked, both angry and startled at the same time. She watches you as you shrug nonchalantly.

“Oh, Yeah. I took it when I left for some protection.”

“P-Protection?” She purses her red lips, before snagging it away from your grip. “Give me that!”

She takes a moment to figure out where she was going to store it, but the lack of not having a coat showed her that truth. She sighs quietly before tossing it into the river below. Out of sight, and out of being a danger to you.

You stared at her with a blank expression, not showing emotions like you were trained to do. “You know that was expensive, right?” You asked, making the woman squirm like always.

Another sigh, as Peggy touches her temple. “I can always buy another one.”

You roll your eyes, and turn on your heels to walk away, but your mother was not having that.

“Hang on just one second, Young Lady.” Peggy replies, stepping in your way, ignoring your cold glare again. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Away. Like I should’ve done sooner.” You reply, trying to step around her but couldn’t.

“You don’t even have a coat.”

“I’m a widow, I was trained to tune out the cold.”

“Widow or not, you're still a child. You’ll freeze to death eventually.”

You narrowed your eyes again, straightening up. This woman didn’t know you. You can handle anything. Hell, you have handled anything in that wretched Red Room.

“I’ll be fine.” You claimed, and once again, tried to step around her, but this time her arm stopped you in place.

“For once, young lady, act your age and listen to me!” Peggy said, tired of your nonsense.

Which was the last straw for you.

Your eye twitched, face flushed with rage. “Then what do you want me to do?! ACT MY AGE?! LISTEN TO YOU?!” You yelled, making the woman snapped too.

Looks like it was the final straw for both of you now.

“YES! EXACTLY! You never do!” Peggy exclaimed.

You scoffed. “Of course I don’t. I don’t even know you.”

She crosses her arms. “You would if you spent some time with me.”

“Like hell I would! You want to spend time with you?” You threw your arms out bitterly, making a point. “Like what? Like a mother and daughter? To act my age like the fifteen year old I am?” You scoffed again. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT MY AGE WHEN I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO?!?!”

It was like a knife to Peggy’s heart. Of course you didn’t know how to be a teenager. You never meant to be one, just an assassin that could stay under the radar without any suspicion.

She sighs once more, arms coming undone as she touches her temple again. “Look, Y/N, I understand you don’t know how to, but that’s what I'm here for.” She replies, watching you become puzzled. “Look, when I saw you all alone in that lab, I knew I wanted to help you; I wanted to give you a life that I knew you didn’t have, so-”

She puts on a warm smile. “I’m here for you, and even if you don’t see me as a mother, you don’t have to nor do you have to call me mother either, but I just wanted you to know that as your adoptive mother it’s my job to make sure you have the best life.”

You shifted, eyes trailing away because you were confused. Is this how she felt about you?

“But I understand if you want to go.” Peggy continues, getting your attention. “At least let me take you home and get you a few things for travel. Like money, clothes, and food. And let me at least drive you to where you want to go. Please?”

You bite the inside of your cheek, looking away again. The other thing you were trained to learn was to point out liars, and Peggy, well… wasn’t one of them. She was someone who generally meant what she said.

Guess that’s a good thing since she was a hero.

“Can you tell me why though?” You asked, meeting her brown orbs with (Y/E/C) ones. “Isn’t it strange for you to adopt me?”

Peggy’s expression morphed into a bittersweet one as she nodded. “Yes. Surprisingly, being the first female superhero is easier to the media than a single woman taking care of a child that’s not even her own.” She replies, eyes stinging a bit at a thought. “It would be much easier if I had a man beside me.”

You frown sympathetically, knowing what she was implying in her undertone. “I’m sorry about Steve, Peggy.”

She perks up in surprise. “You remember me telling you about Steve?”

You shrug a little, then smile. “I… might have listened to you more than you think.” Then you frowned again, guilty. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been better to you. You were only trying to help.”

“It’s okay, I know you mean well. I should have given you some more space too. I’m sorry about that.”

“Can we go home?”

She smiles joyfully. “Of course.”

There were definitely bumps in the road, yes, but those were minor in comparison to something that scared you the most. Words that had no meaning to you before in your terrible childhood inside the Red Room, were now being thrown at you left in right.

But can you say it back to the woman you would soon consider your mother? Will you? Could you?

The first time happened a few months after the outside incident, completely catching you off guard.

You spat out the thermometer as Peggy read your temperature that was just a few marks over normal.

She hums and gives you a smirk, “I told you not to be out in the rain too long.”

“Yeah… I-I know…” You shivered, and tucked the blanket higher to your neck, trying to stay warm. You hate how she was right sometimes.

She chuckles, catching the time on the grandfather clock. “Okay, well get some rest, and hopefully it’ll come down in the morning.” She says, standing up from the bed, and checks to see if the cup of honey tea she left for you was still warm.

“Ho-Hopefully…” You slurred, fixing the covers again, sinking into the soft mattress of yours. You were grateful that you were given a bed this comfy.

Peggy opened the door with one hand, the other on the light switch and peered over her shoulder with a welcoming smile. “Good night, Y/N. Love you.”

You froze. “H-Huh?”

What did she just say? You wondered, watching her keep the expression on.

“Love you. Night, sweetie.”

She closes the door, trapping you in your thoughts.

What is… L-O-V-E? This four letter word that she’s never heard someone tell her before. It was a word that sparked emotions that she couldn’t quite place.

Love.

She was loved.

How was she going to say that back when she didn’t know what it actually meant?

The next time you heard was when you actually got to celebrate your birthday. The cake, the presents, the wonderful party. Peggy had invited some people she knew over and made it really special.

You blew out the candles, and stuffed your face with delicious cake as you started opening gifts. You thanked and smiled, enjoying being sweet sixteen today. If birthdays were always like this then you wouldn’t mind being spoiled every year (You never had one anyway until today).

You wiped the dab of frosting from your chin as Peggy set a silver-colored wrapped box in front of you.

“Here. I hope you like it.” She replies, hands behind her back as she waits.

You set your fork down, and carefully undid the bow before sliding off the lid. Your eyes widened in shock, it was the expensive and beautifully detailed journal you eyed in a store front a while ago.

“Whoa…” You mumbled, taking it in your hands.

“I remember that’s the one you liked. Now you can write more of those little stories of yours.”

“Wow.” You smiled up at her. “Thanks, Peggy. This is exactly what I wanted.”

“I’m glad to hear that, sweetie.” She pulls you in for a side hug. “Happy birthday. I love you.”

Your breath caught in his throat, your heart stopping.

There was that word again.

There was the emotions again.

Could you say it back even if you didn’t quite understand it yourself?

“Peggy?” You begin, hearing her hum, a sign that she was listening. “Um… I… I… I-”

“Hey! Miss Carter! I need you for a second!” Howard’s voice said from across the room.

Peggy slouches a bit, and shakes her head. “That man. He probably wants to talk about SHIELD again.” She said, patting you on the back as she slips away. “I’ll be a second.”

But that second turned into an hour, and you found yourself losing the courage of attempting to say that quartet word.

You could never say it. Even after Peggy starts saying it to you pretty much everyday over the next few years of your life. You could never say it yourself.

You were still too afraid to ask what L-O-V-E even meant.

You smiled happily, finally being able to use your Widow training for good. You were finally old enough to join the government like Peggy. Sure, you weren’t Captain Carter, but maybe one day you’ll be like that. But for now you work for SHIELD, alongside with people you could trust.

“Fantastic, Y/N! I’m so happy for you!” Peggy replies, after snapping the photo of you in uniform.

Her brown curls with a white hue bounced in the wind of the outside. The sun shone down upon her like the goddess the world saw her to be. She was happy just like you were. For many reasons actually. She was going to marry a soldier she met, someone that you approved of. Because if she’s happy, then you're happy.

And you were definitely happy today.

“Thanks, Peggy.” You said, keeping your bright face on.

“Now, I have to go to the other side of the base for work, but we can meet up for lunch.” She says, cupping your cheeks like she does to embarrass you. “So you enjoy your day. I love you.”

This time Peggy felt it. The stiffness in your form, the distant look in your eyes. It was all coming to light.

You felt like a failure of not being about to mutter it.

“Peggy-” You begin, feeling her palms giving you a gentle squeeze. You watched her face soften, no hatred like you thought she might give you.

“I know, sweetie. You don’t have to say it, I know.” Peggy replies, kindly.

You still frowned though at the strange sensation in your chest. A warm feeling, yet still indescribable.

“B-But… I still… I don’t know what it means.” You explain. You wanted an answer, you wanted to know what it all meant.

“Y/N, It’s something that I can’t quite explain. It’s a feeling, and it comes to people in different ways. You’ll have to figure it out on your own.” She replies, truthfully, and all you could do was stay silent and nod.

You had an answer, but one that still made you question everything.

And when you still questioned everything for years to come.

The room always smelled sterile and peonies. There was always 40s music playing on low in the background just like she liked it. Her precious photos on the nightstand, with little trinkets and get well cards. It was a place to make her feel at peace even during this dark time.

You smiled like you always did when you visited, and always prepared on how Peggy moment would react. She’ll either be overjoyed to see her adopted daughter, or angry for no reason, or completely and utterly lost like you were a stranger.

Luckily it was the first option today.

“Ooh, thank you, sweetie.” She says as you place fresh flowers into the lilac vase.

You nodded, and something caught your eye. A hand drawn and colored card with the Captain’s shield on it. “Another fan get well letter?” You asked, getting a hum.

“Yes… from a little girl. She’s so sweet.” Peggy said, delightment itched in her olden features.

“That’s wonderful, Peggy.”

“Yes, it is. How was work at the base?”

“It went well. I worked with Agent Hill today.” You chuckle. “I finally met Natasha. Apparently she was a Widow like you said. We’re both deciding that maybe it’s time to figure out a way to stop the program. I also met a young fellow named Sam Wilson. We go jogging in the morning together.”

“That’s wonderful, dear. I’m so proud of you.” She reaches to take your hand in hers, giving you a squeeze. “Have you tried the shield out yet, darling? I know you should be the one to keep it safe for me.”

You almost frowned. Almost.

Peggy’s mind was still stuck back a few decades ago when you actually tried out her Britain printed shield. Frankly, it wasn’t for you. And you couldn’t exactly be going out there throwing it anyway since you were climbing up in age too.

Maybe you could find someone else trustworthy of being the next Captain Carter.

“Yeah, Peggy. I have. It works great.” You reply, lying through your teeth. Your heart skipped a beat at the way she laughed.

“Wonderful, wonderful!” Peggy said, before coughing harshly.

You straightened up and snatched the glass of water for her, helping her drink some. You waited until her coughing ceased, and a little color returned to her face. You mentally sigh of relief, hoping that you didn’t just witness the end.

Although sometimes this was worse than awaiting her death.

“You okay, Peggy?” You asked, setting it down, and your heart shattered again.

You watched as she became confused, and almost scared by your presence.

“W-Who… Who a-are you? What are you doing in my room?” Peggy asked, gripping the bed rail, looking like she might spring away.

But you stayed calm just like always. “It’s me, Peggy. It’s Y/N.” You said, softly, staying in your space until she realizes who you are.

Peggy took a few moments before she laughed again. “Oh, Y/N, sweetheart. You’re here. I’m so happy! How was your day at the base?”

You smile again. “Oh, It went well. I worked with Agent Hill today.”

“Oh, Maria, she’s such a sweetheart. Fury made a good decision to hire her. You know, I remember when I first met her, she was-”

You just sat back and let her ramble on, wondering if the end of the day would end like this, or would her mind reset again like always? But you didn’t care, as long as Peggy was happy in her final days then you're happy too.

Is this what L-O-V-E is?

You set the lilies down into the vase, alongside your finished book of stories handwritten, before making yourself comfy while adjusting your scarf around your neck. You greeted Peggy like you always did, ready to share your day.

“-Work was great as usual. Although, there were some complications me and my teammates have to resolve, but hey, it’s part of the job.” You say, feeling the autumn wind against your flushed face.

It started to get cold again, but you didn’t mind. You made sure to wear a coat and hat like Peggy always wanted you to wear.

“I wished you could have helped us, actually. We could have used Captain Carter to fight against the HYDRA agents inside SHIELD. I know I'm not exactly suitable for your mantle, Peggy.” You said, bittersweetly. “God knows even after making all my amends from being a Widow, I still got blood on my hands, I wouldn’t be the right fit to be the hero the world needs.”

It was the honest truth though. Everyone thought as you grew into a young lady you would take over the mantle, despite not having any powers. Some were disappointed at the thought of it all ending, but Peggy never minded. She was glad you were choosing your own path.

You found yourself chuckling. “Although, I might have found someone. It’s Sam, you met him one time. He’s a good man, he reminds me of your husband a little. I think he’d be perfect, exactly what the world needs at a crazy time.”

You pondered on your own answer. “Well, maybe not Captain Carter. Maybe… Captain Falcon? Or something along those lines, right?”

The wind blew again, and you tugged on the scarf again, pulling it closer to your cold body. You always took the wind as a sign she was listening, a push for you to keep babbling about your day.

Your face fell a little, remembering the horrible feeling in your chest as you fought that man on the highway. He looks just like the pictures you’ve seen. Only this time he was muscular rather than a skinny blond man with soulless eyes.

You clenched your fists together. “I promise you, Peggy, I will get Steve back. I’ll make sure he’s out of HYDRA’s grasp. I promise you, and Mr. Barnes, I’ll get him back.”

Peggy told you he fell from the mountains, and you soon learned decades later that the robot he was in helped him survive the fall, but the enemies had wrapped him in their tentacles, pumped him with drugs and dubbed him the Winter Soldier.

You knew if Peggy was there to see him on the street, she would have stopped at nothing to get him back.

Silence fell and something snapped inside you.

You didn’t understand, you’ve visited this place for months now, so how come you were finally breaking down this way?

Maybe it is the flower vase you were constantly refilling.

Maybe it was the way you always sat in the same spot to talk to her.

Maybe it was the letters and numbers etched into the stone.

Maybe the whole Idea of her not being here had finally hit you like a truck.

And maybe losing her to old age and disease finally made you realize what that four letter word meant.

You sucked in a shaky breath, lower lip starting to quiver. “I-I’m sorry…” You choked, eyes stinging, burning for your tears to fall. “I’m s-sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I’m sorry.”

The hugs and kisses she gave you were always a blessing in your eyes, and you knew returning them always brightened up Peggy’s day. Yet, you were always confused on what the feeling meant, the feeling of butterflies and warmness in your chest. Deep down you always tried to figure it out, and put it into words but it would never come out.

But your tears did. Your eyes started pooling out streams as you sobbed alone in an empty graveyard.

“I knew you meant well, I knew you cared for me when no one else did. And I know you knew I wanted to tell you, and you never got mad when I didn’t. I never understood why, until now...”

And it wasn’t a lie. You understood. You understood your question and your answer clearly now. You knew what Peggy meant by everything, you knew the drive and reason behind everything she’s done for you since her very end.

And that was loving you like a daughter like you were her own.

Another shaky breath.

Another stream of tears.

Another sob.

You didn’t care, you needed this release after so many years.

“I-I’m sorry.” You muttered again. “Peggy…. Mom.” You chuckle bittersweetly. “I should have called you that, at least once. I’m sorry.”

The wind blew again, this time it was warm and comforting. Like a hug. So maybe she really was listening? Maybe she was trying to tell you that she knew that too.

“Mom,” You began, putting on a smile, one hoping that she could see. “Mom…”

Yeah, you knew it was finally time for you to say it.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“I Love You.”

(Fin)

A/N: I'm sorry...

[justcourttee]

I love your sibling Jasonette so much!! If you don't mind, could you do Marinette's first meeting with the rest of the Batfam? Also, this is probably a stupid question but are the rest of the sibling Jasonette stories connected?

Not a stupid question at all! I wrote them so that if you read all of them, there are parallels so that they could be connected, but if people didn’t want to read all of them, they could also stand on their own :)

I also NEVER mind writing more sibling Jasonette ;) Hope you enjoy! @moonlitjiminie 

Family Game Night

“What if they don’t like me?”

Jason stopped in his tracks, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Is that even a real question that you’re asking me? I’m honestly offended right now that you would even think they had an option to not like you.”

He dramatically placed his hand over his heart as if her words had fatally wounded him earning a small giggle from the girl. Slinging his arm over her shoulder, she managed to breathe a small sigh of relief as they made their way up the long staircase.

Jason didn’t even bother knocking as he threw open the manor doors, effectively dragging her in with him.

“Master Jason, what a pleasure to see you attend family game night and with a guest in tow, how lovely.”

An older man stood in the foyer, his sly smile warming Marinette to the core instantly. Jason narrowed his eyes playfully at the man, a sly smile of his own tugging at his lips.

“Marinette, let me introduce you to the only sane person in this household. Mr. Alfred Pennyworth. He likes to pretend he’s just a humble butler, but we all know that he secretly runs the whole thing around here.”

Alfred bowed deeply to Marinette to which she could only curtsey in return.

“It’s a pleasure, sir. I am sorry for invading your family time. I was under the impression that my presence was a known factor tonight.” Her narrowed eyes shot to Jason who simply shrugged, his smirk as arrogant as ever.

“Nonsense, a friend of Master Jason is a friend to all. You are by far the most pleasant friend he has brought to this event.”

Marinette almost wanted to ask about the context of his remark, but something in her gut told her she really didn’t want to know.

“Please, follow me to the sitting room. The rest of the family has already arrived.”

They walked in a comfortable silence down the hall, Marinette nerves slightly frayed now knowing that nobody expected her appearance. Alfred pushed open two oak doors, revealing a brightly lit room filled with many laughing faces. When Jason said he had a lot of siblings, Marinette thought two or three. Nothing could have prepared her for this.

“Oh my god, Jason brought home a girl!”

Instantly all sounds in the room paused as many heads turned their attention to where Marinette stood in the doorway. Hesitantly, she raised her hand in greeting, a sheepish smile gracing her face.

“Everyone, this is Marinette, the legendary designer MDC, and my sister. She’s flown all the way from Paris to meet you losers for some reason so be nice.”

Marinette mumbled a quiet hello as a few smiles broke through the room welcoming her. Instantly, a blonde girl jumped up to drag her back to where she was previously sitting, ignoring Jason’s protests.

“You just have to play on my team tonight! Are you any good at Pictionary? I mean I’m not great, but I can say with utmost confidence that I can beat most of the people in this room.”

“That’s not true!” Marinette’s attention was split as one of the men started an argument with her as to who was the better pictionary-ist. She didn’t even notice when Jason had sat beside her, an amused smile tugging at his lips.

“The rude blonde is Stephanie Brown. She’s Timmy boys girlfriend, who would be the dead zombie looking kid over there.”

Marinette’s gaze followed to where Jason pointed, a small giggle escaping at his accurate description. The poor boy looked like he hasn’t gotten a good night's sleep a single day in his life. 

“The rude boy arguing with Stephanie would be Dick. He practically rivals your optimism except his happy go lucky actually disgusts me.”

The man paused from his argument, a horrified expression on his face.

“I like to think my optimism is a blessing.”

That earned a collective groan from the room to which he simply crossed his arms into a pout.

“Anyways, continuing, the redhead is Barbara Gordon-Grayson who unfortunately has trapped herself in the position of Dick’s wife. A tragedy really for such a beautiful woman, I mean she could’ve had me and instead she chose him? The world just isn’t right.”

Another protest came from Dick’s direction as he turned his pout into Barbara’s outstretched arms as her attempt to not laugh failed miserably.

“The one staring you down while trying to pretend he’s not interested at the same time would be your future husband Damian.”

Marinette felt her entire face flush red as she reached back slapping Jason in the stomach as hard as he could.

“Todd, I do not appreciate harassing this young woman. You are beneath her in status and beauty therefore you should not be allowed to get off with this insult to her self so easily.”

Damian stood from his spot, careful not to make eye contact with Marinette as he sped past her toward the room’s only exit. She wanted to call out and ask him to stay, but the pink on his cheeks caused her to pause. He probably was just as embarrassed as her and just needed some time to breathe.

“Jason, that was mean! Look at how flustered you made him!”

Jason simply laughed as he reached over to ruffle her hair.

“Trust me, he never gets ‘flustered’ that was all you.”

For the second time that night, Marinette felt her face flush.

“He’s right you know!” Her eyes turned back to the blonde from earlier who stared her down with a playful expression in her eyes. “Demon spawn definitely has a crush on you.”

The rest of the family took turns picking at her, taking jabs until she was sure there wasn’t one part of her that wasn’t bloodshot red.

“Alright, alright, give the girl some space. We want her to return eventually!”

Marinette smiled gratefully toward the dark-haired man.

“After all, I need to get to know my future daughter-in-law.”

She instantly regretted her friendly gesture as the room exploded once more, smiles and laughter filling the room. Why exactly had she let Jason talk her into this?

“Okay, okay, really though guys. It’s game night! Time to pick team captains.”

Stephanie’s devilish smile sent shivers through Marinette’s spine. It was purely chaotic, reminding her of another blonde that she had left behind.

“I vote Marinette and Jason, the ultimate sibling showdown!” Dick puffed out his chest as his voice mimicked what sounded suspiciously like a wrestling ref that her father loved to watch.

“I’m down, how about you princess?”

Marinette bit her lip as her eyes glanced around the room at their waiting faces. Her eyes caught sight of one brooding face that she couldn’t seem to pass by. He also seemed to be waiting, his eyes nervously glancing from her position to the door as if he might bolt at any moment.

“It’s game on Todd.”

They shook their hands defiantly, both wearing dangerous smirks. Maybe she could salvage her pride tonight; not just hers’ but Damian’s as well. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Ladies first.”

Marinette and Jason stood on opposite sides of the room, both watching each other with an intense look that came from their competitive natures. She scanned the eager faces of his family thoughtfully. She had no idea what any of them were good at, but she wanted to maintain appearance for the psych of it.

“Damian.”

Everybody broke out into smirks as they shared knowing looks. She didn’t bother to pay them any mind as the pink-cheeked boy rose to stand with her.

“Wrong move princess, demon spawn hates game night more than he likes to win. My first choice? Stephanie.”

The girl pumped her fist in the air as she joined Jason on his side. Marinette leaned toward where Damian stood, hiding half her face behind her hand.

“Time to strategize, who is my best bet?”

Damian stared at her with a bewildered expression.

“C’mon beau garçon, I need your help if we’re gonna kick Jason’s ass.”

He nodded slowly as if that were a perfectly reasonable excuse to kick into gear.

“Grayson is the leading contender if you wish to win tonight.”

Marinette nodded as she motioned for Dick to join them as well. Jason raised an eyebrow at her as he called over Tim, challenging her to pick from the remaining two.

“Okay Damian, Barbara or Bruce.”

He didn't bother responding as he pointed at his father, leaving the redhead to Jason’s team.

It was five hours of intense games, Alfred keeping score as an unaffiliated third party,( after all, they had all agreed that he was the fairest way to keep the games moving.) They all sat in anticipation while he tallied the scores. She couldn’t seem to calm her nerves as she stared at Jason’s cocky smirk.

Marinette felt a warmth brush by her kneecap. Instantly her head snapped to where a hand rested before her gaze reached back up to his face, a light red dusting across her cheeks. Immediately his hand retracted.

“I’m sorry if that was inappropriate, your knee was just bouncing anxiously from the corner of my eye and it was a slight bother.”

Marinette muttered out a small sorry before they both broke their gaze, the blush evident on both of their cheeks.

“And with a final score of 5-4, the winning team is… Miss Marinette!”

Her whole team jumped from the couch in excitement. Without thinking, she threw her arms around Damian’s neck. Realization crossed her face as she quickly retracted her hug, her entire face as red as could be. God, she hadn’t been this much of a blushing mess since she was thirteen.

They all chatted idly for a few minutes before Jason finally intercepted, insisting he had to get her back to her apartment before it got too late. The whole family waved her goodbye, minus one red-faced teen who instead handed her a small piece of paper as discreetly as he could, ignoring the taunts from his family behind his back.

As they drove back to her apartment, Marinette couldn’t hold her excitement anymore.

“I don’t know why you were warning me so much, I think I’m in love with your family Jason.”

His familiar smirk sat on his face as he turned into the apartment’s lot.

“I told you they were going to love you, and what do you know? I didn’t even have to give Damian your number, you two worked it out on your own. I truly believe they are planning out your wedding right now.”

Marinette shook her head as she reached over the console to hug Jason tightly before stepping out of the car. She wanted to deny accusations of what happened tonight, but she knew it would just fuel his picking.

Besides, even she couldn’t deny that she was excited for the next family game night and if she saw a certain Wayne there, well, that really wouldn’t be so bad.

Permanent Tag List:

@damianette-is-life @ash-amg @rebecarojas07 @heaven428 @long-lost-peace @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @moongoddesskiana @nach0ava

[jay-and-dean]

Worse

Dean x reader

Summary : Is it possible to love someone so much, you just wish you’re lucky enough to die first ?

Warnings : This is ANGST. I’m not kidding, this is panic attack, suicidal thoughts, grieving, light thought of murder, borderline domestic violence angst. This is kinda Dark and be careful that it’s not too triggering for you, please.

Wordcount : 1.8 k

Note : This is my fic for @negans-lucille-tblr​‘s 6k “roll the dice” writing challenge. My genre prompt was Angst (I think you got it by now) and my prompt was “I’ve been pulling you close but pushing me further”, it’s blod in the fic. 

December is a harsh month for me, so here is a harsh fic.

Jay’s Masterlist

_____________________

           Dean did it again.

           He swore on his life he wouldn't, you should have known that it meant nothing.

           How fucking ironic it is ? Dean Winchester swearing on his own life that he will try to protect it, that he won't shield every person on Earth with his soul and body.

           You're holding your painful chest, sitting on that stupid bed in this stupid motel room where nothing makes any sense anymore because your world is crumbling again. And your mind is going all the way down its own spiral of pain, the worst there is.

           Your breath is short and your thoughts go so fast, a super computer giving you all the details of the movie that will be your life once Dean is gone.

           The silence.

           The implacable silence in the bunker, the void left by the end of his voice, the kind of silence that hurts so much it could kill you, harassing cruelly, again and again, with no break at all until you're ready to open your skull on a wall to make it stop.

           That kind of silence.

           The empty bed back home, the empty room. Your mind makes emptiness rain on you : Empty kitchen and no bacon, no joy ever, no sex, no one holding you and telling it's going to be okay. No one really understanding you and no hero on Earth, no butterflies ever again. No reason to live. Empty heart. Empty life.

           Empty fucking world.

           In the middle of this chaotic din, you think of his toothbrush, of throwing it in the trash because he won't need to clean his cute, going slightly inward, teeth ever again. Of his clothes waiting on the closet forever, and how fast the smell on it will fade.

           You think of the nights spending screaming for him to come back because nothing is bearable without him, nothing... Screaming until you can't, strangling yourself with sobs, knowing it won't help because begging, threatening and bargaining won't change a thing.

           And the days being even worse.

           You think of the moment you will manage to forget the loss just enough to breathe, for a second, sitting on your bed, imagining he is just gone to the bathroom and that he will show up, pass this door again... Then remember he will never look back in your eyes again, fall even harder... And now you want to die.

           Right now.

           Even if all this is not real yet, even if Dean is still alive, you just want to die. You need to stop feeling anything forever now, just not exist because you don't want to be here when all of this happens.

           And it will happen.

           He just proved it. Your love for him doomed you and you're done praying that anyone listening would let you take his burdens...

           Your thoughts shatter when he opens the door of the motel room and walks in with his heart beating and his chest breathing, blood running through his veins... But seeing him is not a relief this time, not anymore, and the deafening fear is still compressing your ribs with its vise talons.

"Baby" he sighs and you whimper at the pain of thinking one day you won't hear it anymore.

           Everything hurts.

           Until now, you always managed to calm after Dean almost died. It always took a few days being extremely anxious, living in the shadow of fear, feeling like nothing had any meaning anymore, but he always managed to make you whole again. With empty promises that he won't leave you, that he will always be by your side...

           Bullshit.

           Last time, the unbearable despair of knowing he will go before you didn't leave you completely, and you still suffer this horrible void caused by the idea that nothing worth living, if it is not forever.

           This time, you know it, that horrible sorrow won't leave you. Not ever.

"Dean, it's over."

His big green eyes widen and his large body comes in front of you. His beloved body that you will have to burn one day, watching it as flames eat his freckled skin and flesh, as they turn to nothingness the man you love.

"Don't say that" he groans. "Baby, look at me. I didn't know for the metal thing."

You close your eyes, seeing the vampire impale him on this stupid bar again and again and it's like the spikes goes through you too.

"You know this one is not on me" he sighs. "It's not like I did it on purpose !"

"This one" you mutter his words in echo. "Maybe if you hadn't worn my heart out with all the times it was actually 'on purpose' like you say..."

He squats in front of you but you can't look at him. He was ready to say goodbye... Again. He was ready for you to lose him, who cares if you are ready or not.

"Don't say that..." he tries to touch your cheek with his fingers, the ones you held while performing that horrible spell to save him at Death's door.

To save him against his will.

           But you flinch away and repeat.

"It's over. I won't watch you die."

"I won't, Baby" he tries again but those lies are hollow and your soul burned out.

You get up and pace the ugly room, unable to bear his face so close after seeing it turn dead pale once more.

"You know how lucky you are ?" you say in a broken voice, way too sad to cry. "You're obviously ready to die, to leave me. You will be the one leaving first and th-that is the luckiest place..." he looks down and takes a loud inhale. "You're so fucking ready to quit."

"I'm not" he states but you ignore his words, they are just wind now.

"But I'm not" you continue, seeing tears fill his perfect eyes. "I can't... O-one day I will have to burn your body, Dean... How selfish is it ? Have you ever thought of what happens after your stupid blaze of glory ?" he keeps his eyes down without saying a word and you could hit him, you want to but instead you let out a desperate strangled scream of pain. "HOW FUCKING SELFISH ARE YOU ! YOU'RE WILLING TO SAVE EVERYBODY BUT ME !"

The burning rage rises in your soul, in your body, and it's like flames were consuming you too, like you were on a stake. Your skin is burning, blood boiling and your heart feels like ember.

"Y/n" he tries, paralyzed by his inability to face this paradox :

If he keeps trying to save you and everybody else with his life, it will kill you ; but if you die, he still burns.

           Is it possible to love someone too much ? Is it possible to actually die of love ? Is it possible that it is too late, that you're already dead...

"I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE YOU" you scream and a costumer of the motel yells for you to shut up behind the wall, you couldn't care less. "FUCK YOU DEAN WINCHESTER !"

He walks to you but the blazing pain is killing you, and you push him violently, making him step back in a huff.

"It's the job, Baby, you know that" he tries but it feels like gasoline on the pyre of your heart.

"Those suicidal shits to talk to Death ! Fucking OD on meds !" you feel tears roll on your face, down your chin and chest, but you don't think you're crying, or maybe you have been all this time... "Michael ! HELL ! THE MA'LAK BOX ! I NEVER FORGAVE YOU FOR THAT !"

"Y/n... I'm trying..."

"You should have tried harder ! I have been there, following you everywhere, accepting your stubbornness. I've been pulling you close but pushing me further. I'm dying of loving you Dean... I have to go."

You turn to put your clothes in your bag.

"You can't leave" he states, coming closer.

"WATCH ME !"

With hunter speed, he wraps his arms around you, hard and fast, with all his strength, preventing your every moves. All you can do is scream, and hit his arms to get free like they were enemies.

"You... You're not leaving me Y/n" he states through tears while you're fighting like you can. "You can't leave me... You're the meaning of my life... I love you more than anything in the world."

"LIAR !" you sob, hitting him with all you have, hitting him with your pain and your panic, with the despair that is consuming you.

You're fighting in a desperate last attempt to survive, like it was your last breath but when he squeezes your weak body harder, you hit and scratch every parts of him you can reach even more.

"I could die for you" he sobs.

"DON'T SAY THAT ! LET ME GO" you scream again, your voice hoarse and throat sore.

The neighbor knocks on the wall... And your eyes catch a glance at your gun at reach.

           You grab it with the speed of rage and point it to Dean's temple. Nothing matters anymore, and maybe if you both died in that dirty room, you would end up together in Hell...

           He doesn't move. You look at his tears soaked face, this face you love more than it is healthy to, to his tired wrinkled eyes, so red that the green seems greener... You cry at how beautiful he is, and press the barrel harder on his temple.

"I could kill you..." you mutter with clench teeth through your blurred mind.

"Do it" he orders. "DO IT !"

His shouting makes you flinch when his nose grazes yours at how close he is.

"WHY IN HELL WOULD YOU SAVE MY LIFE TO LEAVE ME AFTER ! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU !" he screams and presses his head harder on the gun. "LEAVING OR PUTTING A BULLET IN ME ARE JUST THE SAME ! SO GO ON ! DO IT !"

           You fall.

           His arms catch you and keep you up, but every crumb of your will just fell. The gun slips from your hand...

           A few years ago, you swore to love Dean forever, even if it meant death or Hell or even worse... So you will stay here, just here in his trembling arms until you have to burn him, for you neither can face that cruel paradox.

           You know you will walk on that pyre, that day, and hold him until the end. You will burn, but you will stay...

           Because this is it.

           This is worse.

_________________________

FEEDBACK IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME

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[tinyboxxtink]

"Black Magic" *Part 11*

Ooops I MAY have lied before....

More angst comin 'atcha babes.

I'm sorry. We're getting there, I promise. I just love watching you cryyyyy!!!

I'm just kidding I love you all please don't stop reading my stuff.

(fun fact these are Raul's actual hands! It's from a LOF promo. THE FINGIES THO)

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@sassyada

So weird note here it won't let me edit this post on my computer for some reason to add the link to the new chapter and it looks stupid in the app but whatever....I hate this place sometimes. 🤨

You went the next day straight to Rafael’s office, but when you walked into the DA’s building, it was empty. What the hell was happening? Has the whole world gone nuts?

Before you turned to leave, one of the other assistant’s came out of the public bathroom.

“Hey YN, didn’t you get fired?”

“No-- Yes-- It’s a long story,”

“Well either way, I thought for sure you'd be the first one over to the church,” She chuckled.

“I'm sorry, what?” You felt your heart stop.

“The church? Where your subject of obsession is getting married?”

“I'm sorry, WHAT?”

“People talk, Y/N. Word is you’re obsessed with Barba, screaming at him and his fiancée like an unhinged psycho,” She tried not to laugh at you.

“I…” You began to have another panic attack.

“He can't ..how did she...he CAN'T….” You started hyperventilating.

“Ooookay I'm gonna leave you here for your mental breakdown. She scoffed and walked out. You immediately bolted out behind her, dialing Maria’s number, thanking God she gave it to you the other day.

“Hola?”

"Maria he's….he's getting married,” You gasped for air.

“Y/N? What are you talking about?”

“Rafael….he’s getting…” You tried to breathe. “He’s getting married, RIGHT NOW.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Raffi would never rush into something so--”

“You said it yourself Maria, that’s NOT Rafael,”

“You’re right. Well if there’s any trace of my Raffi, there’s only one church he’d get married at. I’ll text you the address and meet you there.”

“Okay…” You started to cry as you caught your breath.

“Hey, mija don’t give up yet, it’s not over!” Maria assured you.

“Okay…” You breathed, and hung up the phone.

-----

At the church you and Maria dashed around to find the groomsman room. You found it and Maria guarded the door.

You busted in without knocking to see Rafael straightening his tie, his tuxedo jacket hung on the mirror. He turned and stared at you in confusion.

“I...I’m sorry sweetie, are you lost?” He had concerns in his eyes. Concern for a ‘stranger’. You hoped it was because he knew you deep down, but you also knew Rafael was just a wonderful man who cared for all.

“You can't marry her Rafael” You said breathlessly, tired from running around the church.

“I’m sorry, what?” He half laughed, grabbing his jacket to put it on. You put a hand up to stop him.

“Because you don't love her,”

“I don't? Really?” He gave you an amused smile.

“No! She's using some kind of spell on you.” You cried.

“...Okay, is this some kind of prank? Is this Carisi’s idea of a joke?” Rafael continued to laugh, looking down the hall to see if Carisi was waiting to yell “GOTCHA COUNSELOR!”

“No, look you have to believe me. She’s been giving you an elixir that makes you think you’re in love with her.”

“...Um, okay seriously, this isn’t funny anymore sweetie,” He stopped laughing.

“I’m not kidding!” You stomped your foot,

“Look honey I’m-- I’m sorry, you must be confused. Did you come here with someone or--?” He put on a patronizing voice.

“I’m not some mental patient Rafael, l'm Y/N! Don’t you remember me? Look at me!” You stepped in front of the mirror.

“....No, I can’t say that I do. Really sweetie you need to--”

“STOP calling me sweetie. STOP patronizing me, and fucking LISTEN to me!!!!”

“...Okay, fine. Then I’m sorry you crazy person, but get the hell out of my dressing room,” He turned serious.

“No! Look listen to me Rafael, you don’t love Liv. She has you under some kind of bat crap crazy concoction of spells to keep you under her control!”

“Okay you’re ACTUALLY insane, how the hell did you get in here?”

“I came with Maria,”

“Maria? How do you know Maria? Oh did MARIA put you up to this?! God I know she was pissed I told her not to come, but to send a mental patient--”

“I’m not a fucking mental patient!” You yelled.

“And I’M not under some kind of bizarre spell,” He yelled back.

“Ok then….why do you think you feel stronger and stronger about Olivia every day?” You asked.

“Are you kidding me? Um sweetheart that's what you call being in love. You fall more and more everyday.” he scoffed.

“Not like that and you know it.” You challenged. “It doesn’t feel like that, I know it doesn’t. I KNOW you find it weird,”

“You don’t know anything about me. I love Liv and--”

“Then why are you doing this SO fast?” You cut him off.

“Excuse me?”

“You barely proposed to her a few days ago-- which by the way, NOT your idea,” You rolled your eyes.

“Wow...you are really...are you stalking me or something?” He narrowed his eyes.

“No, but I know you. You wouldn’t just rush into something like this,” You told him.

“It’s not rushing, honey. We’ve known each other for YEARS,” He scoffed with a laugh.

“Then why? Why now? Why is it SO urgent that you get married RIGHT now?!” You stomped your foot.

“BECUASE I LOVE HER YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!!” He screamed in your face angrily.

“No, you don’t! You didn’t take her to Maria, you didn’t take her to your special place. But you took me,” You didn't back down, you matched his volume as tears lined your eyes.

“And why would I do that? Because I was in love with you? Did I just forget an entire relationship with someone I’ve never met?” He was still yelling.

“No I--” You looked down in shame.

“You what?” He crossed his arms.

“.....I used it first,” You said softly.

“Excuse me?“

“I used it first, okay?” You said tears in your eyes. “I used an enhancement spell on you that made you fall in love with me for a day,”

“Ohhhh I SEE,” he chuckled mockingly. “So what you’re really saying is Olivia is playing your game, just better?”

“NO!” You screamed. “No, the stuff I used only enhanced stuff you already felt. Hers FABRICATED them. And I only used them for ONE DAY, because I love you enough to not want to keep you for myself if it’s not real,”

“But you just claimed it was real,” he pointed out.

“I didn’t know that at the time-- LOOK,” You grabbed his hands. “The only thing that matters is that Olivia is trapping you,”

“With magic.” He looked at you again with amusement.

“Yeah…” You didn’t like this.

“That I assume she got from you?” He nodded at you.

“No she used black magic, I used good magic,”

“Oh right right, the good magic that manipulates feelings. Of course,” He nodded sarcastically.

“Dammit Rafael I’m telling you the truth! I know the real you is there, deep down somewhere. I know he is and I know how he feels about me.

“Right...look you need to let this insane crush of yours go, lady. I don’t know how you know who I am, but I have zero clue who you are,”

“That's not true. I know that's not true,”

“Oh really?” He laughed sarcastically.

“You look like a penguin,” You simply said.

“I'm sorry, what?” He continued to laugh mockingly.

“You look like a penguin,” You looked into his eyes, trying to distract him so you could pour the vial you had in your bra into his coffee next to the mirror.

So now you're just resulting to insulting me? Look you--- Oh my god what the FUCK are you doing?!” He grabbed your hand before you reached the cup. He held it and stared wide eyed at the pink vial.

“What the FUCK is wrong with you? Did...Did some criminals send you? The Diablos have pretty girls doing their dirty work for them?”

“What? No--”

“Ohhh wait,” He became sarcastic again. “So you try and counteract ‘Evil’ Olivia’s ‘magic’ with your own ‘good’ magic, is that it?”

“...I mean--”

“Alright I was tolerating you before, but if you don’t leave RIGHT now, I’m going to call security.” He swiped the vial from you and smashed it on the ground.

“NO!!!!” You dropped to your knees in devastation. That was the one thing-- the ONE thing, besides--- Well, there was no fucking way you were getting anywhere near his lips at this point. You racked your brain, trying to think of something, anything.

“....Your middle name is Eduardo,” You said softly, still on your knees.

“...What did you just say?” Rafael’s face went from amused to shock.

“Your middle name is Eduardo. You tell everybody that it's Antonio but really it's Eduardo. You don't want anybody to know your real middle name because it’s your father’s name,”

“How did you--” He tried to ask but you weren’t done.

“Eduardo used to beat you and because of that you hate him and you don't want anything to be associated with him.” You stood up, not breaking eye contact.

“....How the hell… “ He looked at you. “...You DID use magic didn’t you?” Rafael gasped.

“Yes but I--”

“You used magic to read my mind didn’t you? You used it to manipulate me and try and use my deepest secret into trying to make me think I loved you." He looked at you in disgust.

"No, it's not--" You tried to explain, but Rafael wouldn't stop.

"...That we had this perfect day together, that-- that what I bared my soul to you because I was so safe with you? So IN LOVE with you?" He spat.

"You ARE!!!!" You were crying now.

“Alright that’s it I’m calling security….” He muttered angrily.

“No! Wait, Rafael please...just….just look into my eyes,” you begged. Maybe if he stared at you, he’d remember that day when you held him and planted that memory. You went to grab his hands but he pushed you away from him.

“Get the hell away from me you psycho! SECURITY!” He moved past you and opened the door. “SECURITY!”

“No! Rafael! Please, oh god please, please PLEASE you have to remember. Remember I told you about my Broadway dream, just like yours” He was looking down the hall for a security guard, you were still yelling at him.

“Stop it.” He tried ignoring your words while looking both ways down the halls.

“...And and I told you about how my parents died and you said that you used to play and dance and sing at your abuela’s house because it was the only place you felt safe--”

“STOP IT!” He threw his hands over his ears.

“And then you told me that it wasn't until you met me that you felt that safe again. With ME!!!!” You were sobbing now, trying to get him to remember.

“SHUT UP!!!!!” He screamed, his eyes flashed a bright neon purple. Suddenly two men grabbed either of your arms and started dragging you away.

“Look, Rafael--” You fought the security guards.

"What?" Rafael held up his hand for the guards to stop and let you talk.

"Just answer me this: Even if, EVEN IF you think that I-- I used some mind control and 'took' that memory from you-- have you told Liv?"

"Told Liv what?"

"That story, that memory. Your real middle name!" You felt fresh tears falling, and you swear you saw the purple fade for a moment in Rafael's eyes.

"...Of course I have--" He shook his head with a sarcastic laugh.

"No you haven't. I know you haven't, because I straight up ASKED her what your middle name was, and she said it was Antonio," You smirked at him.

"Well, that's because I haven't had a chance to tell her--"

"You can lie to me all you want Rafael, but you need to really ask yourself why haven't you told her? In the YEARS that you've been 'in love'? Why have you never felt safe enough with her to tell her your deepest darkest shame? Does that sound like 'true love' to you? Does that even compute with what you THINK you feel about her?"

Rafael eyes darted back and forth, purple and blue swirled around violently as he took in your words. But he fought them, and shook it out of his head.

"Whatever, stop trying to play mind games with me you witch," He waved his hands for the guards to take you away, but you added one last thing:

“I’m going to go to your favorite spot in the city, the one place you go to when you’ve had a really long day or a bad day in court. If you go there, and I’m there-- you’ll know I’m telling the truth.”

“Yeah, OKAY. He rolled his eyes. “I’ll be busy getting married, psychopath,” He nodded for the men to drag you out but you broke free and walked out yourself, at least you’d have dignity.

You walked out of the church and broke down in tears. Both Maria and Chloe were waiting for you, they ran to hug you as you fell down sobbing.

“Aw honey, oh baby--” Maria held you while you cried.

“We--We have to go,” You tried to get yourself under control.

“Go? Go Where?” Chloe looked at you confused.

“Central Park,” You simply said.

You had to believe in your love now. That’s all you had left.

[cosmicbash]

Would you maybe write something about a scenario where Em and Colson are hate fucking and Em never spends the night, but on a particular occasion, Colson is super sad/stressed and (while trying desperately to hide it) starts crying from the idea of Em leaving, so he stays and is really sweet? (Also, sorry if I went this twice–my computer's being really weird and I can't tell if it did it already!)

This isn't perfect but!! Everybody is on an angst kick and I wanted to join in so I'm using this ask 😤😤

They aren't dating.

Marshall's cock is drilling in and out of Colson's ass but that doesn't mean they're together.

It wasn't supposed to escalate to this. He's not supposed to be manhandling a stupidly long leg up in the air or swatting away the other man's helpful hands while he switches their position for the 3rd time. Hips never stopping their rapid punching forward to draw out more and more curses.

Paul wanted them to mend their beef. Come to a mutual ground of disdain at the minimum. Not bash heads together so many times over their short meeting they end up in bed together instead. Teeth and fists completely changing their plan of attack.

"F-fuck! Right there-" Marshall's definitely not supposed to be watching this annoying twink throw his long neck back and whine. Colorful arms stretching up above him to uselessly grapple onto the pillow behind his own head. "Please!"

This wasn't supposed to be the 10th or 12th time they did this.

"Shut up-" his voice is scratchy when it should be calm. "The whole floor is gonna hear you-" Paul thinks they're here mending bridges and discussing a feature.

"Then fuck me right-" Colson's voice is just as rough sounding. Marshall hates that he knows the difference between the twink's usual tone and this ruined one. How it will only get this way after he's forced his cock down the brat's throat one too many times in their foreplay. "L-learn- ah- where to stick it without directions dude!"

"Shut up." He's bruising Colson's thighs now. The dark red indents from his fingers are going to turn purple by the morning. Not that he's ever seen them do it in person at least, but the blonde never fails to send a picture over text every morning after. "Maybe if you tightened your pussy up we'd both have more fun."

Colson's chest is arching from his harder thrusts now. Voice climbing a little higher almost mockingly with each moan as he slams to the hilt.

Marshall wants to kiss him. Smother that annoyingly pretty mouth with his lips but it's not possible. Not in this position where the other man's unnecessarily large stature puts him so out of reach.

That's a good thing though, because they really don't need to be kissing. A few heated pecks here and there to get the blood pumping is one thing, making out while he fucks the blonde speechless almost feels too intimate to consider.

Theres no space for that in these brief hook ups from hotel room to hotel room, not when they still hate eachother too much for any of the burning heat they have between them to simmer down into a comfortable warmth.

"Stupid whore." His lips are pulling back in almost a snarl this time when he forces Colson over onto his stomach instead. Cock slipping free and almost losing the condom he's got slipped over it from just how quickly he pulls out. Like Colson's hole is challenging his accusation of looseness. "Fuck-" he just wants to smother the brats face down into the pillows. He tells himself his anger isn't from not being able to reach.

An impatient yank and the condoms tearing. Leaving Marshall all but ready to go put his clothes back on and storm out. There's a nasty swirl of emotions going on inside his stomach that he really doesn't want to risk bursting while they find and put on a replacement.

"W-what're you waiting for?" Colson's back is arching, and that pale mop he calls hair is lifting up to look back. So needy he can't even pause for one minute.

"Fucking condom broke- just, shit, just give me a minute-" Marshall doesn't even know where to look, not with all the blood pooling in his cock and his focus begging to be set on his rivals waiting body.

Colson put the thing on him, he can remember that much, one of those prissy little manicured nails probably scratching the elastic as he did it. He's sure he must have one in his wallet but that's across the room in his sweats, by the bathroom door. Where Colson's impatience about even waiting to let him finish his piss and get undressed had left him falling back into the door.

If he has to walk all the way over there to get it he might as well just go home.

"Forget it. I'm done." They shouldn't be fucking like this anyway. It's a major mistake.

"What?" Colson's fingers curling around his wrist is a new sensation. The wide look to his half hidden eyes punching something deep within Marshall's stomach. "We haven't even come yet-" there's a hint of hysteria in the blonde's tone and smile. "If it's because of what I said then- t-then I'll bite the fucking pillow or something alright? Don't be so dramatic dude-"

"I don't have another condom-" It's a weak excuse, they both know Colson evidently has some somewhere in the room of his own. But Marshall needs to take this brief chance to get out now before he loses it. The longer Colson stares at him the more nauseous that feeling bubbling up has him.

"...Forget it then-" the blonde's finally looking away, almost convincing Marshall that he's also second guessing this sex. But those long delicate fingers are still clutching onto his wrist and there's a palpable silence cutting through the air so thick he feels like he might choke before Colson's baby blues are meeting his head on once again. The shimmer of anxiety impossible to hide between long bangs. "Just do it raw. I-I'm clean and I- you- fuck," there's shame mixing in the look now, the grip the blonde has doubling down when Marshall reflexively tries to pull back. "Don't…."

Go. Don't go. Colson isn't saying it but Marshall can hear the word clear as day between them.

It's about the sex. He isn't satisifed yet. If Colson had cum already the bastard wouldn't be hesitating to kick him out. That's what Marshall's mind screams to reassure himself but there's still a hollow place in his stomach where he feels gutted by the look.

"...f-Fine." He tries to justify staying by remembering how annoying and painful blueballs can be. "But don't fucking text me tomorrow whining how my jizz is still leaking out of your ass."

His free hand settling back down on Colson's hip finally snaps whatever weird fog has blanketed the room. A forced sounding snicker muffling itself against the pillows while Colson's legs readjust to raise his ass. "If you can even get back inside without nutting old man-"

This kind of banter is more comfortable.

"Keep talking, I'm gonna fuck you until you're crying for me to finally finish."

"You wish." Colson's voice is still muffled but the slight challenging swing of his hips says more than enough.

Marshall's fingers instantly find their previous spot, each digit mirroring the small red dots on the opposite side of the younger rapper's skin. 

The lubes still nearby on the bed luckily, allowing him to be quick as he reslicks his achingly hard cock and squirts an extra dollop directly on his partner's hole for good measure. As much as he loves hurting the punk doing so in this way would only cause them both more trouble.

"F-fuck-" Of course Colson's as tight as a vice when he finally tries to push inside. The tight ring of muscle rejecting his entry just as vehemently as he's sure the boy's heart would. They can't do anything pain free, like the world is punishing them for continuing their facade. "Relax-" 

"Thought you said I was too loose?" Marshall can practically hear that smug little smirk Colson's sporting.

Defiantly his hips jerk forward a bit harder, until the blonde actually does cry out and his legs spread the tiniest bit wider. The tight clench Colson has evidently been giving his hole relaxing instantly to let him breach. A string of curses and clawing hands keeping Marshall from fully basking in the incomparable tight heat slowly engulfing his cock.

Even with a pillow clutched close against his face Colson is loud. Each noise climbing alongside his pace as he starts properly fucking his rival yet again. Until they're almost back up at full throttle and Colson's mesmerizing back is arching, a large hand jerking up to plant itself flat against the headboard. "Fuck, fuck, please, just like that Marsh, god- baby d-don't stop-"

The slip of a nickname doesn't escape Marshall's notice, he's just too focused on chasing down his own pleasure to properly care. Once they're done he'll mention it. Or maybe even just wait until tomorrow to text the brat a reminder, but for right now he keeps pumping his hips. Heart warming uncontrollably at the mere joke of being someone Colson can call baby.

Reflexively his palm claps down hard on the other man's ass, too sharply and sudden to do anything but sting. "Ah, f-fuck!" He's taking his anger at his own feelings out on Colson and it's not fair but he can't help himself.

The red imprint of his hand glares back in his vision long after a kinky smack should have faded and just the sight of it sticking around gets Marshall's pace growing a little erratic. He wants to tear the blonde apart, shred every bit of his being to pieces and then sew it all back together to see the taint his touch has created visualized as hundreds of scars. He wants to sully the blinding beauty he sees everytime they meet and everytime he glimpses back at the bed before he leaves. Just ruin Colson completely so that there's no other choice but him in the whole world for the blonde to turn to.

But he's not falling in love.

That would mean he's stupid enough to fall for someone who could never settle for him. That he's actively continuing to come back and push the bar with every hookup just to see when enough is enough and he'll finally be left on the otherside of the hotel room door. Or the one waking up alone in bed the morning after.

Marshall wouldn't.

"S-shit wait- I-" Colson's hips are stuttering back to meet his, the hand he's still got hugging the pillow abandoning it in favor of stuffing down between his legs. It's obvious the blonde's close. Marshall can feel it in the tight grip around his cock and hear it in that shaky voice. It's not until he doubles down to fuck the younger rapper hard enough to knock his slender body inch by inch further up the bed that Marshall realizes he's trying to hold out. "N-not yet, ah, fuck, s-slow down-"

"No-" he's close himself, chest heaving and balls tightening as it is. There's no way he's letting Colson try to change the pace now. "Save, fuck, save that edging shit for after I leave-" he's lashing out for control again but can't stop himself.

This time instead of pinching pale skin Marshall slides his fingers up into sweaty blonde hair. Yanking back until he's got the man's back arched perfectly and his mouth can seal in a bite to one pointy shoulderblade. Fingers snaking around to hold Colson up there by his throat. "Fucking take it like a good whore and come Kelly." 

In this position he feels unbelievably deeper and there's nothing to block out the blonde's gasps and cries.

Nails scratch quickly along his thigh but Marshall ignores them to keep rolling his hips. The need to make Colson finish first fueling his free hand to climb up to knock away the punks own. Quickly jerking up and down over the soaked cock the other man was trying so hard to squeeze and restrict.

"N-no, no, fuck, Marshall-" a hand's curling around the back of his head to pull him close despite Colson's protests. Every atom in the other males body seeming to reach out and beg and plead for him to come closer, to fuck him harder until they split through the magnetic field and combine into one. Marshall wants to kiss him again. Hates how he can't even see the brats mouth over his shoulder from his current position. His fingers fly faster and hips roll up firmer in retaliation. "F-fuck-" 

There's a wet sob breaking the moans in the air, piercing straight through his chest like a bullet while Colson's hips stutter back and hot release paints across his fingers. Sending him right over the edge himself. Body forcing them both forward so he can hump and grind his pelvis against Colson's ass down to the bone while he pumps and fills the twink up with his own release. The hands around his neck and cock turning into strong arms around the blonde's chest and waist like a hug.

It's the closest thing to a cuddle Marshall will allow himself. That he can't actually prevent his orgasming body from resisting.

There's so much comfort and begging from his body to stay like that, for Colson to never leave him in those moments that the rapper can't help but tear up a little himself.

But just as quickly as its come sensibility returns and with it the guilt and shame. Scaring his arms free and his body away from Colson's usually still trembling form.

"Wait-" fingers are grabbing his wrist again, weaker this time.

Marshall's still buried to the hilt, even though his chest has unstuck itself from Colson's museum print of a back tatt. Sorry is dancing on the tip of his tongue. Like it always does. Always too graceful to ever trip up and spit out though before he finally leaves.

"A-again." Colson's face is still buried in the pillow, eyes and nose planted firmly down while his chins pulled up.

"What?" A second round isn't completely crazy for them, sometimes when the anger is hot enough its even necessary but not tonight. Marshall shouldn't even be humoring the request, not with how fragile his emotions feel, but Colson's hand refuses to let go.

"Fuck me. Please. Just-" Now with his head clearing the rapper can finally notice how Colson's shoulders are turning inwards, how the tone of his voice carries a shake. "Do whatever. I-I dont care. Just don't- fuck, d-don't-"

Go.

Leave. He has to leave. 

"Colson?" The name feels strange in Marshall's mouth from all the "kelly"'s "brats" and other derogatory words he usually uses in it's place.

Wet baby blues peering back all but pin him in place whether he wants to leave or not. Their message clear.

"Please." A single word and it's as effective as a sledgehammer around his heart.

"I-" Can't. Shouldn't. "I'm not hard anymore."

On a normal night that kind of obvious embarrassed blurt of an answer would get the kid smiling, one of those rare soft warm looks where his crows feet and gums showed, that scorched Marshall's skin from how brightly it radiated affection. Each chuckle or snort following just another stone slamming hard against his heart.

Tonight Colson doesn't smile. Instead of crinkling at the corner to flash the only hint at Colson's slow aging those lashes drop just low enough to bubble up the small collection of tears already present. His pretty but thin lips quivering up and down to fight back a frown. 

A year ago this exact look was the center of so many fantasies. He had wanted nothing more than to see the blonde crumble and break apart in front of him like a pathetic mess.

Right now instead of satisfaction all Marshall's body feels is hollow. Like his heart has finally abandoned his chest and surrendered itself to the hopefully quick acting acids of his stomach. The rapper doesn't think he can possibly feel worse but then Colson's arching his body away from him. Slipping his soft cock free of that lingering tight heat and stealing away any trace of faux comfort he feels with every centimeter of separating skin.

"I'll take care of it-" Colson's voice is hoarse, like hes fighting down the threat of a sob while his body twists onto its side. The sluggish lift of a hand back towards his cock piercing through him like a killing blow.

"No." Now his throat feels tight too. Shame and guilt pouring down his spine at the thought of Colson pushing through his obvious pain and turmoil to jerk his cock back to life just so he stays a few moments longer.

"Please-" Baby blue eyes are shining at Marshall again. The fast slip of a tear down one flushed cheek only making his fingers dig harder into younger male's wrist. "Marshall-"

He can't do this.

"No-"

"Yes!" Colson's scream pierces the silence so suddenly he thinks his wars might be ringing. But the pure desperation painted in angry eyes keeps Marshall's own from flinching all the way closed. "I'll fucking find you viagra or- or suck your dick until my jaws sore-" now Colson's own fingers are cutting back, prying at the preventative grip he's got on the blonde's hand like a caged animal might. "I don't care what- just- you- you aren't- you can't-"

It hurts, and with the way Colson's legs are twitching beneath him Marshall knows a kick or knee to his gut might come next. None of it compares to how badly his throat tears when he speaks though. "I'm not fucking you!" Somehow he manages to put every ounce of finality in his voice that he intends. Freezing Colson's grappling and rambling in an instant.

The ensuing silence feels deafening. 

Colson's still staring at him. Pain and anger warring across his face in small twitches and ticks. Marshall's mouth just repeats itself. Quieter this time. The heave if his lungs breaking up his words in tight exhales. "I'm not….I….I'm not going to fuck you."

There's a million more words tangling on his tongue. The order jumbling and backing them up like a traffic jam until he feels like he can't even breathe anymore.

I want to stay. I'm sorry. Dont do this to yourself. Please. Don't cry. Colson-

"I'm sorry." Colson cracks first. Expression screwing up and the floodgates behind his eyes opening as he sobs. "I'm so fucking sorry Marshall-"

This time he doesn't resist that ache to kiss the blonde. 

It's messy and Colson's mouth tastes like snot and tears already but Marshall presses closer anywhere. Cradling the younger rapper's skull with his free hand so tightly he knows he has to be pulling out hair. The wrist he'd snatched pinned between their bodies in a way that makes his own ache. But he ignores all of that and kisses Colson harder. Smacking their lips and teeth against one another in hopes the words trapped in his throat might pour their way out and into Colson's. Down the blonde's own throat to reach his heart.

He kisses Colson until he can't physically do it any longer. The sharp sting of oxygen deprivation jolting through his brain and colored spots dancing behind his closed eyes before their lips finally part. 

Marshall wants to press so close he sinks down into Colson's bones. Join in with his marrow and spend the rest of his life repairing every broken piece of the beautiful man's soul from the inside out.

That's not possible though so he settles for pulling Colson close. Enveloping him in his arms the same way he wishes he had a dozen times over. Stabilizing him through every shuddering sob and heartbreaking tremble.

He's not falling in love.

"I got you."

He'd already crash landed there long ago.